The Truth
by Nocturnalux
Summary: Kida finds himself unable to tell a lie. The only cure is having sex. In walks Izaya and the rest is history. Izaya/Kida, Shizuo/Izaya
1. Chapter 1

**Pairing:** Izaya/Kida, Shizuo/Izaya

**Prompt:** For whatever reason (get creative!~), Kida is compelled to say exactly what's on his mind – EVERYTHING. If he thinks it, he says it, no matter whether or not he wants to. When Izaya finds out, it's a massive turn on for him.

_BONUS if, after smut, the "disease" transfers to Izaya and he has to transfer it to someone else__._

* * *

><p>"I jerked off to online gay porn and that's why I didn't do my homework."<br>Kida bit his tongue but it was too late. The words were already out and the truth, the dreadful truth, accompanied them. The teacher stared at him without quite knowing what to say. Students were not supposed to be this honest. Fortunately the class took it as Kida being, well, Kida and the teacher was too stunned to actually do anything.  
>Kida had no idea why he could not manage to lie but so it was and it did more than disturb him, it terrified him to no end. He was about to skip class altogether but Mikado was not one let him do that and caught up with him just as he was about to dash down the stairs.<br>"Masaomi! Wait up! You shouldn't say those kinds of things, imagine if the teacher believed you. And everyone else, too."  
>Kida bit his tongue anew but it was no use. He formed a banter reply in his mind but opened his mouth to say,<br>"But that's why I didn't do the homework, I found this hot video with a bottom that looks just like Izaya and it was way too hot for me to resist so I stayed up all night playing it on repeat."  
>Mikado blinked in perfect shock then laughed shakily.<br>"You have got to stop making fun of stuff all the time, Masaomi."  
>"And one of the guys looked a bit like you too but you're not my type. Izaya is way hotter, I mean you're not too bad yourself but it's not the same. I'd let you suck me but not do me."<br>This was getting worse by the second. And it got worse yet. At least up to this point Mikado hadn't taken him seriously.  
>"Hey, what do you mean...? How can you like Izaya better..."<br>Heaven be thanked, Kida reached the gate and ran out before Mikado had a chance of following. Kida ran and ran until he ran into someone.  
>"Masaomi? Hi there, how are you doing? Shouldn't you be at school this time of day?"<br>Kida did not know that his luck could possibly be this bad. With so many people in Tokyo why did he have to bump into Izaya, it was beyond unlucky.  
>"I had to leave because I can't tell a lie."<br>Most would have laughed it off as a joke and Kida had some hopes that Izaya would do the same. But it was not to be.  
>"Eh? Really now? Okay, let's try it. Is there anything about you that you're afraid I'd find out about?"<br>Kida bit his tongue even harder now. He prepared some innocuous reply. To no avail.  
>"I took one of your boxers from the underwear drawer and rubbed it against my dick as I jerked off to thoughts of you."<br>Izaya clapped and proceeded to skip around him.  
>"So it is true, you can't lie! It is extraordinary! I wonder why! But more importantly, I wonder how much fun I can have because of this."<br>Kida could have wept. Maybe this was an awful nightmare and he would wake up next to the stolen boxers. Kida made a vow never to use said boxers ever again. Izaya patted his head as if he was a pet.  
>"There, there, no need to look so upset. Tell me, what do you think of me?"<br>"I think you're so hot that I want you to fuck me, doesn't matter where."  
>Izaya whistled, his eyebrows arching slightly. This must be fate.<br>"Masaomi, why didn't you tell me this before?"  
>"Because you'd troll me forever and tell everyone."<br>"Tsk, I wouldn't say _everyone_. But enough talk, let's get down to business."

At least Izaya did not simply drag him to some back alley and had his way with him. Instead he took Kida to his posh apartment where he escorted him to the bedroom.  
>"Isn't this absolutely great?"<br>"Not really but there's nothing I can do."  
>"Heh, quite."<br>Kida was almost relieved when Izaya kissed him fully on the mouth, at least that way he could not possibly end up saying the most compromising of things. His relief was short lived as Izaya lost no time pushing him flat in bed and making him moan by licking and biting an ear.  
>"Is this your first time doing this kind of thing?"<br>"Yes and down deep I always wanted to get it on with you."  
>"So you're gay?"<br>"I'm just gay for you."  
>Izaya was in the process of unpeeling clothes out of him but he stopped to laugh now.<br>"You really can't lie!"


	2. Chapter 2

"I told you already! I can't tell a lie, if I could I wouldn't be here now!"  
>Izaya tossed Kida's school jacket and then cut through the shirt until it was tattered and he could toy with nipples that hardened to his touch immediately, becoming knobs underneath teasing fingertips tracing caresses.<br>"Oh, I almost forgot! Are you a virgin?"  
>Kida sighed. By now there was no point in straining to keep his tongue from wagging to say exactly what was on his mind.<br>"Yes..."  
>"But not for long. Oh happy day. Now where is the lube."<br>Izaya made a vague attempt at looking around but without bothering to actually search for it. So he just shrugged and planted a deep kiss on Kida's mouth.  
>"Oh well, can't find it so I guess we'll just do without the lube. No biggie."<br>"Go find it, you creepy man you!"  
>Izaya actually pouted but that did not stop him from kicking off pants and boxers and working on taking off Kida's.<br>"Now that's not very nice of you to say. I'm a bit sad now."  
>"No you're not, you're just acting like the troll you are."<br>Izaya sighed in mock sadness and shook his head.  
>"I was going to get some nice lube and a condom, I really was. But you're being so mean and my heart hurts so much at the injustice that now I won't. I hope you realize that this is all your fault, Masaomi."<br>"You don't have a heart, your personality is lousy but I still have the hots for you."  
>"Hey! So mean."<br>To Izaya's credit he did prepare Kida by widening his puckered hole and beyond. This was why he absolute loved virgins, what they lacked in experience they more than made up in potential. Izaya made sure to insert just enough fingers in just the right way to have Kida moaning and bucking his hips in sheer need. Izaya tsked.  
>"Now, now, without lube I guess you'll just have to put your mouth to good use, Masaomi!"<br>Kida sighed but he did get on his knees and prepared to lick the tip of Izaya's erection.  
>"I really don't like this but it's better than no lubricant at all."<br>Izaya gasped.  
>"I am deeply offended that you do not rejoice at the thought of blowing me."<br>"You really have issues, no wonder no one would actually ever date you."  
>"Less talk more sucking and mind you, no teeth."<br>The wonders of sucking dick were very much lost to Kida but he knew that he really did not have much of a choice in the matter. So he busied himself lathering up from oozing tip to the base of the engorged shaft.  
>"You're not exactly good at this, you know? Aim for excellence in all things. But now, time for the main dish! How do you want to do this?"<br>"I don't really know but either way where is that condom?"  
>"No need for that! Virgins haven't caught up weird diseases along the way! Wonderful, isn't it?"<br>"I really hate you."  
>"Harsh words, Masaomi."<br>Izaya simply spread him in bed and got to business with one swift thrust. For all his apparent time wasting ways Izaya had something of a schedule and he had already dallied too much as it was. Predictably enough Kida clenched up from the sudden onslaught and gasped breathlessly at the pain. But still he crossed his legs around Izaya's lower back to urge him deeper. Izaya was all too happy to oblige, the predatory grin widening.  
>"Faster, do it faster."<br>"So shameless of you."  
>Izaya slammed his sleek body into Kida's a few times. Just to keep Kida hanging on the edge. Izaya toyed with Kida's slightly darkened and hard nipples, playfully enough but with plenty of twisting and pinching.<br>"Do more of that."  
>"Hmm...not too sure I like that tone."<br>Izaya stopping moving and made it a show of being somewhat cross. Leaving a very needy Kida sprawled under him, fully impaled and about to burst.  
>"Can't you just fuck me without all the talking?"<br>Izaya giggled, lips brushing Kida's neck in a semi-kiss that was far too teasing.  
>"No can do. Humans are social creatures so it figures that talking is essential."<br>Kida sighed. Never had he hated Izaya's long winded rants more than presently. And that was saying a lot.  
>"But Izaya...your talking is annoying. Your fucking is much better."<br>Izaya blinked and for a split second seemed to be at a loss.  
>"Tsk, horny teenage boys. All they think about is sex."<br>"Like you're not the same!"


	3. Chapter 3

"I am a sophisticated young man and simply take what opportunities that chance to come my way."  
>Izaya drove the point home with a sharp thrust that sent a shiver of pleasure through Kida's whole body. Kida wondered if bastards had a leg up when it came to being good in bed and of course he could not keep himself from wondering out loud.<br>"Maybe you're this good because you're pure evil and this is why girls prefer bad boys and good guys always finish last."  
>Kida whimpered with frustration as Izaya stopped mid-thrust, the hovering grin above him growing quizzical.<br>"That is a very shrewd theory. You may indeed be on to something. Then again, I am Orihara Izaya. It follows that I'd be great in all things kinky."  
>"Fine, I know you're sex on legs – I wouldn't be in this mess if you weren't – but will you go ahead and actually show instead of talk?"<br>"Patience is a virtue."  
>"I don't care!"<br>Izaya sighed as if to mourn for the follies of adolescence and without a warning flipped Kida on his side. Izaya held one of Kida's legs in the air and used it for leverage to dig into the more than willing boy. Kida could not even squirm as Izaya had him pinned against the sheets but he still tried. Judging by the way Kida's body tensed up by shuddering degrees Izaya could tell that he was on the edge.  
>"Hey, these are silk sheets. No coming in them."<br>It was Kida's turn to sigh but he hardly had any energy left for that. So he could hardly react as Izaya placed him on all fours on the floor without even breaking his stride. Kida's muffled protest died before it got past his parted lips. Izaya pounded into him and sharply intense jolts of pleasure shot up Kida's spine. Kida came with a wordless moan, splashing his stuff all over the place in a series of splurts even as Izaya emptied himself inside clenching hotness. For a while Kida could not even speak, it was with regret that he felt Izaya withdraw and with shame that he felt the trickle of semen seeping out of him.  
>"Ah, that was good...but I'd still rather have Shizu-chan's hot rod plunging into me as he fucks me like the sexy beast he is. What the hell am I saying?"<br>Kida perked up his ears, attention cutting through the haze of his afterglow.  
>"Izaya-san, could it be that you can't lie?"<br>"I...cannot...lie!"  
>Izaya looked so absolutely mortified that Kida could not possibly doubt him. And it was a beautiful sight all around. More, Kida realized that he was cured of his strange condition.<br>"You're screwed now. Since lying is pretty much your job."  
>"You must have infected me, so much for virgins being STD free. It must be karma since I spent so much time taking advantage of others."<br>"Don't worry, I will tell no-one."  
>"I don't believe you, Masaomi. I know that you will tell everyone. This means that having sex must have cured you so maybe I can pass this over by having sex with someone."<br>Kida grew sly. He cleaned himself because unlike Izaya he could not afford to be mischievous while still dripping cum. Not that Izaya seemed to have noticed, he was too busy pacing up and down the room.  
>"And 'someone' should be Shizuo-kun?"<br>"Well, of course. Shizu-chan is all man and he's hung like a horse."  
>"I thought you hated him."<br>Izaya struggled to change subject but he simply could not.  
>"That's just a cover so that no one will find out how I really feel and what I really want is for him to jump my bones. I thrive on hate sex and it has been my dream for a long time now to get Shizuo to just do me. Since high school. But it never happened so I ended up picking up random blonde hunks at gay bars and getting them to call me 'Izaya-KUN' but it's not the same."<br>This was more than Kida expected. It was, in fact, pure gold.  
>"Izaya-san, could it be that you're in love with Shizuo-kun?"<br>Izaya tried to cover his mouth with his hands but for some bizarre reason not even that worked.  
>"Yes..."<br>Kida felt as if he had hit the jackpot. Finally, after much toiling for a fickle tyrant, Kida had something on Izaya. But if Izaya could not lie that did not mean that he had lost his intelligence.  
>"Masaomi, Shizu-chan knows nothing about this of course and if he is to find out, I'll know you leaked it and next thing you know you'll be in the bottom of Tokyo Bay with your new cement shoes."<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Kida did not at all like this idea.  
>"What are you going to do, then?"<br>"I need to get Shizu-chan to fuck me, of course. The problem is how to arrange it without his realizing what is going on or he'll think that I'm trolling. I can always disguise myself."  
>"Play the trap card?"<br>"Don't be stupid. Of course not. I could pull it off beautifully since I am of course exceedingly pretty but Shizu-chan would bite my head off as soon as he realizes he'd been duped."  
>"Maybe you can annoy him so much he'll just flip a lid and rape you?"<br>Izaya rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.  
>"As if I haven't tried that yet."<br>"You have...?"  
>"Of course I have. That's half the reason why I irritate him as much as I do. I am into rough sex but unfortunately Shizu-chan doesn't seem to be into doing me. I cannot for the life of me understand why not. I am so hot."<br>Kida tried not to laugh. Izaya normally allowed to be made fun to some extent since it tended to simply feed his ego in a bizarre way (Kida had a theory that Izaya enjoyed being a troll as much as he enjoyed giving the impression that he was being trolled, which made him a pseudo reverse troll) but Kida could tell that now was not a good time to joke. Which was difficult since truthful Izaya was not as much as a contradiction of terms as it might seem, it simply meant that Izaya's megalomania was completely unchecked and ran amok.  
>"Ah..."<br>"I'll have to use you to arrange something. Then again I do that pretty much all the time and I don't even pay you the minimum wage even though I can more than afford it but I'd rather make sure you are always scrambling for money. Also, it's pretty fun."  
>"Orihara-san, that is..."<br>Izaya stopped his pacing and sighed deeply.  
>"But of course you ought to know all of this already. I picked you for my closest pawn for a reason, after all you are pretty clever. Not as clever as I but no one so let us leave it at that. At any rate I may have to use 'that'. And by 'that' I mean a super potent aphrodisiac that Shiki just so happens to have in his possession. If I use that on Shizu-chan he is bound to have sex with me and then all will be well. Ah, I wouldn't say no to rolling in the hay with Shiki, I really wouldn't, but this is dangerous to have a yakuza forced to spew his guts whether he likes it or not. Then <em>I'd<em> be landing in the bottom of Tokyo Bay and you don't want that either since you'd be unemployed."  
>"I see...so...thanks, I guess? Just what am I expected to do, exactly?"<br>"Very simple, you are to call Shiki and ask for 'that'. He'll know what you mean. Then set an appointment in some place by the river, yakuza love those shady places and one must humor them or they'll get all huffed. And then I'll to come up with a scenario that includes luring Shizuo to some love hotel or something. I am not too worried since I can come up with something given how clever I am. I really love myself so much."  
>Kida found himself fascinated. There was something strangely compelling about Izaya going on about how amazing he was.<br>"Orihara-san, I never thought you'd rather bottom than top."  
>Izaya nodded sagely.<br>"Yes, most people wouldn't. Unless you go by fanfic writers, nine out of ten they have me bottoming and at times I'm even moe!zaya which is completely off character. Bottoming or not, I am snarky all the way. One thing they have right, though: I am great in bed. Ah, there are some of those stories that I wish were real. I read, I fap, I feel sad that I remain a virgin of Shizu-chan sexy ways and then I troll him some."  
>"Fanfiction...? Do I want to know?"<br>"Oh please, like you don't read them too. By the way, you might want to know that your pal Mikado has all the fics where you're paired with him nicely backed up in an external drive."  
>Normally Kida would dismiss this as Izaya being, well, Izaya but he knew that Izaya was telling the truth. Since he could not help it.<br>"That's...disturbing."  
>"You don't know half of it. He has a thing for bondage and gagging. If I were you I'd be extra careful next time you have a slumber party. He wrote some of them himself. What, as if 'anon' setting would ever fool me."<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

"I see..."  
>"I can even track people on 4chan. I am that amazing, yes. You'd be amazed to see the kind of art your best friend is into. He sure has issues, Mikado does."<br>Kida squirmed uncomfortably. This was not a conversation he wanted to have.  
>"Anyway, I should call Shiki-san soon."<br>But suddenly a bright idea occurred to Izaya.  
>"Wait, I know! This is what we'll do: let's first try having sex again to see if it switches back to you! Genius, I know. Why didn't I think of this before. Must be because I was too focused on Shizu-chan doing me."<br>Kida nearly jumped out of his skin.  
>"No way! Orihara-san, I can't afford to blabber the truth all the time! I'd lose my job with you, for one."<br>"Yes, and it would land you in troubles but no worries, all you have to do next is jump into Mikado's futon and he'll take care of it. Of course it won't be the same, I'm sure you'll be disappointed after having sex with me but unfortunately for you it can't be helped. And it would be so fun if Mikado couldn't lie! Think about it! 'I wonder who is the leader of Dollars', Mikado goes, 'It's me, suckers!'"  
>Izaya giggled happily.<br>"It might be fun to you..."  
>"Funnier still if he went on about his plans for sexy times with you, oh yes."<br>"How do you even know that...?"  
>"I have my ways and it included a lot of spying, mind you. For the details, that is. I had to clone that external drive of his and it was not easy. Of course everyone with half a brain can tell that he's been revving to jump your bones for ages now. Anyway, let's just give it a go and see if I can pass it back to you."<br>Izaya wasted no time pouncing and pinning down Kida.  
>"Wait!"<br>"Tsk on you. I already know you've got the hots for me so it shouldn't be a problem, now should it? I dislike rape but if I have to go that route then that's that."  
>Kida flinched.<br>"What if it backfires? You should try this with someone who hasn't had the disease or whatever it is! Imagine if we both end up unable to lie, you'd be royally screwed!"  
>Izaya bounced back.<br>"True. Good point. I knew you weren't completely useless after all. So it must be Shizu-chan, ah, Shizu-chan~"  
>Izaya's dreamy expression was one of the creepiest thing Kida had ever seen.<br>"Orihara-san...? Hello, Orihara-san? Earth to Orihara-san?"  
>"Ah, yes. Here's the number. I keep my address list tagged my nicknames, you're under 'Slave', your pal is under 'Shibari', etc. See?"<br>Izaya showed him the cell phone.  
>"Slave? And why am I even surprised."<br>The arrangements for getting 'that' from Shiki went smoothly and in no time Izaya was in possession of a suspicious looking vial.  
>"Now, I need you to summon Shizu-chan to some location. Love hotel would be too shady, I doubt he'd go. Maybe I can get him to come here! That would be something. It's not the first time he's dropped by but always of his own accord. I can't just invite him."<br>Izaya sighed dramatically.  
>"Maybe a normal hotel?"<br>"But those don't have cool sex toys. Then again, no need for that if I have Shizu-chan and his manly ways."  
>"Ah..."<br>"My collection of nude pictures of Shizu-chan wasn't easy to get but it's just not the same. 3D Shizu-chan..."  
>Kida was getting very tired of this. Izaya brightened up suddenly and picked up a sheet of paper.<br>"I'll try writing something that is untrue. I cannot actually say a lie but maybe I can write or text one!"  
>Izaya busied himself but in the end he sighed in a forlorn manner.<br>"Didn't work?"  
>"No. Let us focus on what to do regarding Shizu-chan. Ideas, Masaomi. Let us hear them."<br>Kida gave it some thought. Why Izaya expected him to have a solution remained a mystery.  
>"You can always try the truth? Since you can't exactly get around it..."<br>"That won't work! Okay, you'll give him a call telling him to go this hotel room. I'll already be there and ready to soak him in this stuff. Then things will just take their course! I have my doubts as to whether this will work so I'll make sure to be as sexy as possible. And who knows! After I pass this to him he'll have to tell me the truth and it might turn out he is in love with me too!"


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm not sure if that's wishful thinking or downward insanity."  
>"It is being hopeful, Masaomi. Hopeful! That is how I see it. After all, you'd never guess that I absolutely love Shizu-chan, now would you?"<br>Izaya nodded in his 'wiser-than-you' way.  
>"Ah...well, I suppose I wouldn't. And I'd never guess about Mikado..."<br>"Gee, that was obvious, though. _Everyone_ knows about Mikado but they don't tell it to his face. Unless they're Aoba. And we all know how that ended, don't we?"  
>"That we do..."<br>Kida was rather disturbed. To think that such a piece of information was utterly unknown to him made him queasy to his stomach as much as the actual content of said information.  
>"You see, people lie. So the possibility of Shizu-chan liking me does exist! Of course, he'd never tell me. Even if I got him to fool around with me he'd still spin it into it all being my fault or something. But if he can't lie then he'll <em>have<em> to tell me the truth! Genius, genius I tell you. As is to be expected from me."  
>"Wait, what if he ends up telling you he hates you after all?"<br>Izaya grew pensive.  
>"Hmm...then I guess I'd have to find some way of making him love me."<br>"Good luck with that."  
>"I can tell from your tone that you don't mean it. Oh well, no matter. Want to read some of the fics Shibari-kun wrote about you? It's pretty hot stuff, the boy is talented!"<br>"...I'll pass."  
>"Let us see, I'll need my special thong and my favorite lube."<br>"You have more than one and you didn't use it on me?"  
>"Thought it would be more interesting that way. Don't go hating on me, you liked it just fine. And now I have a rendezvous with hot sexiness, Shizu-chan~"<br>"Just for the record, what nickname does Shizuo go by in your address list?"  
>"Sex bomb! What else!"<br>"Ah..."

Shizuo thought that it was a shady deal altogether. Someone asking to meet him at hotel room but it was about the Orihara girls and while he suspected that it was some of trap, he could not just let it go. So he was not even all that surprised when it turned out that Izaya was involved. But as to why Izaya should be tied up and naked in bed was anyone's guess. And gagged, too.  
>"The fuck, what is going on here?"<br>Normally Shizuo would have simply beaten him into a pulp and walked out since it was obvious that there was no danger to Mairu or Kururi but for a reason that he could not quite put into words he found himself staring. Izaya squirmed a bit against very light knots that stood out against the silky white skin. Izaya was lean but not boney, his body was well defined and perfectly smooth. Shizuo wanted to remove the thong and check out the bubble ass in all its glory.  
>"The hell, what am I thinking..."<br>Nine out of ten it was a verbal provocation that set off Shizuo. So Izaya, being silent as he was, did not exactly anger him. Instead Shizuo was just puzzled. Very puzzled. But if he was not going all out on rage mode he was not about to join the Orihara Izaya fanclub. It took him a while to realize that for once he had the upper hand entirely and that Izaya was entirely at his mercy.  
>"I-za-ya-KUN. I don't know what kind of weird game you're playing here but you'll regret it."<br>Shizuo poked Izaya and knew immediately that it was a mistake. Suddenly, the weird feeling materialized into an overpowering desire to kiss the dreadful flea and to have his way with him in a way that made him blush and falter at the thoughts spinning in his mind. After a moment of hesitation he undid the gag.  
>"Just what the <em>hell<em> is going on here?"  
>"Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan, guess what. I'm really horny so feel free to fuck me. By the way, I love you."<br>Shizuo did not know what he expected but this was not it.  
>"Shit, I knew you were crazy but this is...too much even for you."<br>But Shizuo could not deny that he was hardening at the sight of Izaya spread in bed and neatly wrapped like a kinky Christmas present.  
>"No crazy but I cannot lie at the moment, that is why I may sound rather strange to you. By the way, I spiked the juice you just had with a potent aphrodisiac that should be kicking in right about now."<br>"You fucking louse!"  
>"There's some on my skin too and you touched it, Shi-zu-chan."<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

Shizuo closed and opened his mouth a few times.  
>"You deserve to be raped, that's what you deserve!"<br>"It's not rape if you want it~"  
>"You're even more fucked up than usual!"<br>"Shizu-chan, there's lube on the bedside table. But I don't think you use those things..."  
>Shizuo tugged at the rope only slightly and Izaya dissolved in moans and bucked against the sheets. It did away with whatever shred of control Shizuo still had. He turned Izaya on his back, pried his legs open and then hesitated.<br>"Condom's right next to the lube. I am disease free and I like it better without plastic but just in case. By the way, after you do me you'll be the one unable to lie! Great, isn't it? For me, at least-"  
>Not even Izaya could keep on rambling when Shizuo dropped all clothes from the waist down.<br>"...so big, woah!"  
>"Cork it, flea."<br>Shizuo had never cared for Izaya's ranting ways and presently he could not stand them. But he did not feel like gagging him anew because it would be too much like weird SM play. Then Izaya wiggled and Shizuo pounced. He planted Izaya on hands and knees brusquely.  
>"So rough...! I like it."<br>"Stupid ropes, the hell, can't do this when you're all tied up."  
>And just like that Shizuo snapped the ropes.<br>"It goes to show how fiercely strong you are, those are reinforced ropes especially conceived for bondage purposes."  
>"That's pretty fucked up."<br>Shizuo placed his big hands on Izaya's sides, feeling the smooth body trembling just underneath his grasp as he positioned himself behind him. It made Shizuo hesitate but Izaya put his mind at ease.  
>"I'm trembling because I've wanted this long time. It's anticipation- <em>oh<em>!"  
>Shizuo sheathed his full length in one swift thrust mid Izaya's rant. Izaya arched his back immediately in response and pushed into the hardness that filled him. Hot pleasure shot through Izaya along with searing pain. Shizuo gasped.<br>"...tight..."  
>"Isn't fucking me the best?"<br>"Yeah...I mean, shut up."  
>But Shizuo's voice was a mere rasp.<br>"Move, Shizu-chan~ so horny right now."  
>Shizuo squeezed Izaya's slender hips and realized they made great handles. And he needed to keep his balance because he slammed himself into Izaya fast enough to make the bed to creak crazily. Izaya moaned loudly and the softy as the air inside his lungs burnt with each breath he struggled to take. Along with the lust drive that fuelled Shizuo's piston-like motion in and out of sweet enveloping tightness he was also enjoying a power rush.<br>"What a slut, you're dripping all over the sheets just from this."  
>And indeed Izaya's tip was wet the sliver of pre-cum moved in tandem with their frantic pace.<br>"Dirty talk is the best but if you're trying to humiliate me it won't work. I like going on about how needy I am. Besides, don't forget the aphrodisiac is working too even if you are such a great fuck- right there, that's the spot...!"  
>Shizuo considered applying the gag and all be damned but he could not exactly find it and interrupting this was out of the question. Not when Izaya tensed up and gasped wordlessly. Emphasis on the wordless part.<br>"Figures you'd like this way, like the dog you are! You're a bitch in heat, that's what you are!"  
>Shizuo was very pleased with this comparison. And the fact that Izaya gripped the sheets and half collapsed forward, sticking his ass high in the air for Shizuo to have deeper access made Shizuo even happier.<br>"Ah, Shizu-chan, the analogy isn't very flattering to yourself but I love how simple minded you are, it makes trolling you so much enjoyable. Also, I like cats so much better, dogs are boring."  
>Shizuo frowned darkly. Only Izaya could manage to remain in a position of power when he had a throbbing dick buried deep inside and pushing ever deeper.<br>"Tch, so you like big cocks? Must be because yours is so small!"  
>For emphasis Shizuo gave Izaya's erection a tug, fingers slippery as his hand slid down the tip to the shaft. Izaya bucked into the touch out of reflex but even then he giggled.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

"I don't really care about size as long as my neural pathways are functioning as they should. That way I can get a kick out of the endorphin rush. It's not as if having a bigger penis makes you enjoy sex better. If anything the fact that you're so well hung serves me better than it does you, Shizu-chan~"  
>"Fucking- hate you-"<br>"Hmm...but I love you. I'll settle for hate sex now, later we can date properly."  
>"Not gonna happen."<br>"You can never tell~ love you long, long time Shizu-chan!"  
>Shizuo wanted to snap an angry comeback but Izaya's insides clenched up as he thrust and the rush of stimuli wiped out any trace of coherent thought from his mind. All he could do was groan as he emptied himself with a series of deep thrusts. Izaya was already past the point of return, his orgasm made all the more intense by Shizuo's load hitting his weak point. Izaya sighed contently and he released in a series of spurts.<br>"So nice, Shizu-chan..."  
>Shizuo pulled out reluctantly.<br>"I wish I could have my dick stuck in you all the time- what the hell am I saying?"  
>Izaya rolled on his side away from the mess on the sheets, the trickle of semen very visible as he stretched and yawned.<br>"I told you all about it. This strange condition of being unable to lie is transmitted via sex: the person infected is cured by passing it to someone else. It is a bit like the Ring-"  
>"What the <em>fuck<em>? So all the shit you were saying is actually true...?"  
>"Indeed it is!"<br>Shizuo blushed. Izaya thought it was absolutely cute.  
>"Including that talk about being in love with me...?"<br>"Yes!"  
>"Oh god, I'm screwed here. I mean, I hate you-"<br>"So sad now..."  
>"-but I also kinda like you, I can't explain it- curse you, this is all your fault!"<br>Izaya beamed, his eyes sparkling.  
>"Shizu-chan, happy day! Yay! I was rooting for this, it goes to show that hard work and perseverance pay off in the end. I can't skip right now but I'll be skipping in my mind, skipping for joy!"<br>"What hard work? And what am I supposed to do now!"  
>Shizuo paced up and down the small room, nearly colliding with the furniture.<br>"Well, first we start dating and going steady. See how that goes first. Afterwards we can move in together. And we have to invite everyone to the wedding-"  
>"What wedding?"<br>Izaya was having a blast. Nothing could possibly beat afterglow trolling.  
>"Shizu-chan, I love you, you love me so there is no reason for us not to tie the knot. Of course, it wouldn't be an officially approved marriage but who cares! There would be cake, and me covered in cake, and maybe a wedding dress if you're into that kind of thing."<br>"That would be hot...wait, what am I saying! Besides, I never said I loved you, just that I liked you, and I still hate your guts but this all besides the point. What matters is, what will I do about this thing?"  
>"Well, the condition is passed to someone else if you have sex with them. That much seems certain."<br>"Then I guess that's that, I'll jump your bones again. It's not as if I didn't want to, doing you was the best."  
>"Ah, thank you so much. As much as I'd like that there are risks involved-"<br>"Shit, should've used a condom but seeing my stuff dripping from your ass is something else."  
>"Not that kind of risk. But like Slave-san warned me we do not know if doing it with someone who had already been infected might not backfire. Imagine if that happened, we'd both end up unable to lie."<br>"Slave-san...?"  
>"It may be too much, yes. Slave-kun, then. I mean Kida."<br>"It's not the honorific that's the problem here! And wait, you've been doing this kind of thing with him?"  
>Izaya shrugged.<br>"I take what opportunities come my way and he did beg me to. It'd be evil of me to deny him. Why, Shizu-chan...are you jealous?"  
>Shizuo tried his utmost not to answer. But to no avail.<br>"Yes-"  
>"Alright! Happiest day of my life!"<br>"I can't believe this, this is awful! Oh screw it, I'll just do you again and the hell with it all. It's also an excuse for having more hot sex with you-"  
>"Shizu-chan! Aw! But really, it's not a good idea. Imagine if I end up unable to lie and someone asks me what you've been up or anything about you? I'd blurt out all the things we've done together."<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

Shizuo grew pale.  
>"That'd be awful!"<br>"Wouldn't it? Ah, but I am sad that the alternative means you'll have to have sex with someone else. I feel jealous."  
>"Izaya..."<br>"But it's okay! As long as I get to watch!"  
>"What the hell, are you a voyeur now? Then again, it fits your twisted personality. And it might be a turn on."<br>"See? I am always right. Trust me, Shizu-chan."  
>"I <em>don't<em> trust you! Argh, but I have no choice but to go along with your craziness!"  
>Izaya pouted.<br>"Because I'm so cute?"  
>"No! Although you are cute, it's just that I don't really understand much of what is going on and clearly you have it figured out."<br>"Indeed! How about we make it some hot bro-cest and you go for Kasuka-"  
>"Say that again and you die, cute or not!"<br>Izaya gasped drastically and sobbed.  
>"Shizu-chan, I was just kidding. Why must you get so angry at me, it breaks my heart. I am no longer compelled to tell the exact truth anymore, I was just pulling your leg but you get all serious and mean."<br>"I'm not too sure you have a heart."  
>"Now that is unfair. I told you that I loved you and I could not lie at the time. Surely, that proves it."<br>"Dunno about that. Your idea of love is probably all wrong!"  
>Izaya folded his arms and hmphed.<br>"My idea of love is absolutely correct. And it includes doing this and that and even that...ah, you are very good in bed, Shizu-chan."  
>"Thanks- I mean, shut up!"<br>"I know, how about Tom-san?"  
>"NO! No way I'm doing this kind of thing with Tom-san, that's just beyond wrong!"<br>"Hmm...but doing it with me is okay?"  
>"That's because you're, well, you! Besides, I do have the hots for you, it's your fault for being so sexy!"<br>Izaya jumped to his feet suddenly. He had not bothered to get dressed and remained in his naked glory.  
>"Eureka, Shizu-chan, eureka!"<br>"Who's that? One of your hussies? Huh? HUH?"  
>"Aw, your ignorance gives you extra <em>moe<em> points. Try saying, 'Tokyo...? Where's that?'"  
>"I-ZA-YA-KUN!"<br>Izaya raised his hands in a placating manner.  
>"Now, now, let us not overreact here. I just realized a way of getting past this hurdle. If you think about it, this passes from bottom to top, right? So you need only let me top you-"<br>"What the _hell_? You want to- do that to me- that may actually be hot- ARGH!"  
>Izaya rubbed the palms of his hands together, all happily.<br>"There you go, the truth is so beautiful-"  
>"No way! Even if it might be good, I don't want to admit it and you'll end up saying everything!"<br>"About that, it's all good. I'll just call someone that doesn't know you."  
>Shizuo was not convinced.<br>"You're lying! This is just an excuse for you to jump my bones! And then ramble about this to others!"  
>"That is not true, Shizu-chan. But if you are really so against it then I'll ask Namie-san and let her work her science magic to cure you!"<br>"Why didn't you do that right away?"  
>"Ah, I got so needy and horny that I forgot!"<br>Shizuo jabbed a finger at him.  
>"You're not supposed to 'forget'! Aren't you an informant? And all smart and shit? It's part of what makes you so hot..."<br>"Aw, I am touched Shizu-chan! But what can I say, I've wanted to have some sexy times with you for such a long time that as soon as the opportunity came my way I forgot all else completely. I'm sure you'll forgive me."  
>Izaya batted his eyelashes.<br>"Don't do that! It's creepy! But cute...but creepy!"  
>"We're so perfect together!"<br>Shizuo groaned.

As it turned out Namie solved the whole problem with a shot. Shizuo was so afraid he'd end up saying something compromising that he even wore the dreadful gagball. It was absolutely awful but worth it. In a couple of hours Shizuo dared remove the gag and sure enough he found himself able to lie.  
>"I'm cured, thank god."<br>"Yay, Shizu-chan. But I must say, I'll be so sad now that you can't tell all that's on your mind. I'm afraid you'll no longer be honest with your feelings."  
>"Listen here, flea. Just forget all about today. Got it?"<br>Izaya pretended to muse.  
>"Hmm...I am not too sure I can do that. Since I have delicious footage of everything!"<br>"You- you what? You recorded it?"  
>"Yes!"<br>"And how come you didn't blurt it out at the time?"  
>Izaya glowed. Almost literally.<br>"It was a stroke of genius, it really was. I hypnotized myself to forget!"


	10. Chapter 10

Shizuo grabbed Izaya by the furry collar of the jacket and lifted him off the ground easily.  
>"You fucker! How dare you!"<br>"Now, now, violence solves nothing. You should know that already-"  
>"Shut up!"<br>Shizuo shook him forcibly.  
>"Why all the hostility, when we got along fine in bed. Honestly now."<br>"Fgfhfg!"  
>Shizuo was past coherent speech.<br>"I hate that I have to threaten you, I really do"  
>"<em>Liar<em>!"  
>"-but if something happens to me the footage will go viral. For the whole world to see!"<br>Shizuo dropped him but Izaya landed gracefully and with a bow, even.  
>"I hope you die!"<br>"Ah, I know you don't mean that. Aren't you happy that the truth is out now? Looking back at all the years we spent locked in misunderstandings, so sad. But all is well now."  
>Shizuo strongly disagreed. This meant that Izaya had plenty of ammunition to use against Shizuo. A lose-lose situation.<br>"You're just going to blackmail me for the rest of my life."  
>"That doesn't mean anything, Shizu-chan. I blackmail everyone! Doesn't mean I don't love you."<br>Shizuo choked.  
>"Love?"<br>"Why, yes. We are very compatible in bed, too."  
>"Will you stop harping about that! You don't have to tell me every single thing anymore!"<br>Izaya nodded.  
>"True. I don't have to but I want to."<br>"See! This is what is wrong with you, you're obnoxious on purpose!"  
>"But not obnoxious enough to make that video public. Unless you make me, Shizu-chan. And you don't want to do that, neh?"<br>Izaya's smile was glorious. Shizuo could have throttled him.  
>"Fine. What do you want?"<br>"Do you really need to ask? It should be obvious."  
>"How can I possibly know! Since you have a dirty mind I bet it's something- naughty."<br>Shizuo hated himself for blushing and of course Izaya had to giggle.  
>"'Naughty', that's such a cute way of putting it. Of course I want hot sexy times with you."<br>"I knew it!"  
>Shizuo pointed at Izaya to express his outrage. Izaya sighed in mock disconsolation and shook his head.<br>"Shizu-chan, things like this show that we have trust issues. First you claim you don't know then you make a point of saying you did know. It's almost as if you don't trust me."  
>"I <em>don't<em> trust you! Besides, why do you want to do this and that- we already did that!"  
>"That was then, this is now. Besides, who in his right mind would settle for a one night stand when the sex is that good?"<br>"You can find someone else, you and going to gay bars like the loose person you are."  
>Izaya sighed anew.<br>"I wish you were unable to lie again. But you can believe I am telling the truth when I say that you are the best I ever had and I've had plenty. I will never find anyone with greater skills. Not to mention I love you, let's not forget that."  
>Shizuo's blush deepened. He could not help but feel flattered, uneasy and embarrassed all at the same time.<br>"Stop saying that, you only love yourself. You're just in for the sex, you're a, a, what's the word, nympho….something!"  
>"The word is 'nymphomaniac' and it only applies to females."<br>"Don't care, you got no morals."  
>"Gee and you're the epitome of virtue. Could have fooled me!"<br>"IZAYA!"  
>"I can hear just fine, no need to shout. Anyway! Since you're complaining so much we'll do something new. And totally different."<br>Shizuo eyed him with obvious suspicion.  
>"Like what?"<br>"Can't tell you. It'd ruin the surprise."  
>"I fucking hate you."<br>"Good thing I know better than to take that at face value."  
>Shizuo flailed angrily.<br>"Didn't I also tell you that I hated you? You pick and choose what the hell I say!"  
>"So you did but Shizu-chan, I already knew about the hate and all that. It's old news, you know? But it's all cool, can channel it into delicious hate sex."<br>"How fucked up is that?"  
>"It wonderful. Adds zest to our relationship. It'll never get boring, that's for sure!"<br>"One of these days I swear to God I'll kill you."  
>"See? I rest my case. Cheer up!"<br>Izaya proceeded to skip around Shizuo.  
>"Will you stop jumping like a flea! You're making me dizzy!"<br>"With my sex appeal?"  
>"….no."<br>"You really should try telling the truth of your own volition, Shizu-chan. It would make your life so much better."  
>"Yeah, right…like hell it would!"<br>"The truth liberates."


	11. Chapter 11

"Don't go using words I don't understand!"  
>"It means that the truth will set you free. You get a free cookie if you know what source I'm quoting-"<br>"I don't give a shit!"  
>"Which is fine. Thinking was never your strongest point. Trust me to think for you henceforth."<br>"So now you're saying I'm stupid?"  
>"It can hardly be denied, now can it? But that's perfectly alright. We make a good combo that way, me with the looks and the brains and you with the brawn and horny ways."<br>Shizuo nearly passed out.  
>"What horny ways! You were the one poisoning me to do twisted stuff with you!"<br>"Shizu-chan, if I were to poison you, you'd be dead by now rest assured of that. It is unfortunate that you must bicker so after all we have been through together. Quite immature, thankfully your skills in bed are innate and you last more than your immaturity indicates. Must be a case of the body developing at the expense of the intellect."  
>"You- you, can't you fucking be nice for once?"<br>"Honesty, Shizu-chan. The key to any and all relationships. It's a give and take deal, though. Be nice to me and I'll be nice to you."  
>"Dunno, there's nothing nice about you."<br>"Ah, I may have to publish that video after all. There's always YouTube-"  
>"Alright, alright! You're kinda cute, I guess."<br>Izaya nearly chuckled. Clearly Shizuo did not know that steamy content would never make it on YouTube. Being able to lie was a blessing.  
>"Oh no you don't. There was a time when I'd jumped for you to hear you say that but 'kinda cute' isn't enough a compliment to describe someone you've gone all the way with. It's wishy washy stuff, do you think this is <em>Kimi ni Todoke<em>?"  
>"What's that?"<br>Izaya promptly poked him in the chest as if Shizuo was not the strongest man alive.  
>"Shizu-chan, power shift has already happened. So deal with it. Let me tell you something, I'm high maintenance so you better get on with the program and shower me with affection if you know what's good for you. Neh?"<br>"You make it sound like we're dating…"  
>"We are dating."<br>"You can't decide that on your own!"  
>"Maybe not but you agreed to it. Can't bed me and not date me afterwards. It'd be rude and inconsiderate."<br>"Like you don't sleep around!"  
>"Not anymore. We are a proper couple now. Loving and faithful."<br>"As if!"  
>"And you don't even know the things I can do with my mouth, Shi-zu-chan~"<br>To this Shizuo had no reply.

As Izaya and Shizuo had this most lively discussion Kida arrived at school. Kida was very glad that the whole insanity with Izaya was over. For the time being he was going to avoid Izaya (it shouldn't be too difficult considering how caught up with Shizuo he was. Kida's bet was that the whole blackmail issue would not even come into play) and skipping PE. Curse Izaya for paying no heed to Kida's wellbeing, Kida would not be running any time soon.  
>First period was in PE so Kida arrived just as it was drawing to an end. He sauntered to the classroom for a few moments of peace before second period began when a voice halted him.<br>"Masaomi! Where have you been? Do you have any idea how worried I've been?"  
>"Ah, hi there Mikado- eh, what's with the rope…?"<br>Mikado did indeed carry a rope and looked mighty crossed.  
>"I tried calling you but you weren't picking up your phone, also there are printouts I need to give you- are you listening?"<br>Kida was not. He was staring intently at the rope.  
>"Shi- Shi- Shi!"<br>"Shi [death]? Did someone die?"  
>"-ba!"<br>"…your grandmother [ba-san] died?"  
>"Ri!"<br>"Can you please use words? I can't make heads or tails of what you're saying."  
>"SHIBARi!"<br>"It's a skipping rope, from PE- I mean, shibari? What is that? Heh…"  
>Mikado's smile was very yellow.<br>"It was true after all! You're a bondage freak!"  
>"It's not like that- wait, who told you that?"<br>"Never mind that and don't come any closer!"  
>Kida waved his hands somewhat frantically.<br>"It was Orihara-san, wasn't it? He is a liar."  
>"Not a step closer!"<br>"Masaomi, it's a skipping rope."  
>"Not the issue here, you want to tie me up!"<br>Mikado opened his mouth to deny this in the most persuasive manner. Instead he told the truth, most unwillingly.  
>"Not with this type of rope, I'd use specially prepared ropes for bondage- !"<br>Mikado spluttered hopelessly. Kida gasped.


	12. Chapter 12

"Did Izaya just do you and contaminate you with the can't-lie-disease?"  
>"Of course not. Orihara-san is not my type at all. You are, Masaomi, with some light rope action- I don't want to be saying this!"<br>"Eh, I just remembered I forgot something back home so I'll be going now-"  
>"You don't have to get freaked out! I mean light bondage, the kind that still allows you to move. Of course, the rope is placed just right to affect erogenous areas."<br>"Ah...anyway, I really got to go."  
>"Wait! You can't just leave- Masaomi!"<br>But Kida was already gone. He took out like a bat out of hell. Running was not exactly easy and Kida took refuge in an alley, cursing his luck as he fished out the cell phone and called Izaya. A different voice answered, rather dreamily.  
>"Hello…?"<br>"Who's this? Put Izaya on the phone!"  
>"It's Shizuo."<br>"Why do you have his phone? Oh god, please tell me you didn't kill him! He may be a jerk but I need him!"  
>"Nah, not killing…"<br>"Anyway, just put him on! I'm in a pinch here!"  
>Some noise on the other side.<br>"Oh, about that…Izaya can't talk. He's, er, busy."  
>"I don't care, put him on! It's important, Shizuo-san-"<br>"You can talk to him later."  
>"No! No, I can't- hello…? Oh shit!"<br>And just like this the line went flat.

Izaya lapped at thick pre-cum happily. Then looked up at Shizuo.  
>"Shizu-chan, that was Slave-kun on the phone."<br>"Yeah…but you're, you know, busy…"  
>"What did he want?"<br>"Dunno…go back to what you were doing…?"  
>Izaya giggled. It amused him greatly to have Shizuo become tame like this and if there was ever proof of Izaya's amazing prowess in the area of oral sex, this was it.<br>"Can't talk and do this at the same time, of course."  
>Shizuo nodded eagerly enough. Izaya was quite acceptable when putting his mouth to good use like this. Shizuo patted Izaya's head almost gently, caressing soft hair.<br>"Yeah…that's nice…"  
>Izaya added more tongue, moistening the hard flesh that he then sucked on with relish. Shizuo had to admit that just the sight alone, Izaya slipping the spittle covered erection in and out full lips, was enough to make him buck into delicious warmth.<br>"You're real good at this…"  
>"Plenty of experience, Shizu-chan."<br>Shizuo frowned darkly but there was nothing he could say at this point that would not cause Izaya to become extra snarky. Izaya fondled Shizuo's balls lightly enough but in just the right way. He then traced the entire length with his tongue, from the oozing tip to the base, lathering it up. Izaya did not particularly care for doing this but it was an investment. Great for rendering Shizuo completely helpless. Just what Izaya wanted.  
>He let the erection slip from his lips with a deliberately wet sound.<br>"You keep saying I'm a flea but clearly it's not blood that I'm good at sucking, Shi-zu-chan~"  
>Shizuo blushed, partly out of anger but also due to embarrassment and lust.<br>"That's, er, you know…"  
>"What do you say we take this over to bed?"<br>Shizuo could not protest. Absurdly strong or not, he was currently in Izaya's hands and it was very easy to lead Shizuo to bed and lying him flat on his back. Izaya lost no time resuming his ministrations with plenty of slurping but first he stripped down and stole Shizuo's breath with the sigh of smooth naked skin. At times it was too easy, Izaya thought.  
>Izaya had to angle his head to swallow Shizuo whole. Izaya used every trick in the book, blanketing his upper teeth with his lip, sliding Shizuo's member against the inside of his cheeks and after some swirling of the tongue Shizuo released his load. Izaya drank it whole as if it was a delicacy, smacking his lips for effect and smiling lazily.<br>"Now that's quality stuff, I say!"  
>"Shut up, saying weird things like that…"<br>"Aw, you're so cute!"  
>The phone rang again and this time Izaya picked it up.<br>"Hello, Kida-kun! What can I do for you-"  
>"What the hell just happened?"<br>Izaya blinked then stretched himself in bed.  
>"Bring me up to date, Slave-, I mean, Kida-kun."<br>"You just said Slave, didn't you?"  
>"You misheard me."<br>"I totally did not!"  
>"Calm down and tell me why you're upset."<br>Shizuo eyed Izaya darkly and mumbled something unintelligible. He was thinking that Izaya's ass was highly squeezable and doable.


	13. Chapter 13

"I just ran into Mikado and he had a rope! He was going to tie me down and do- things! I know because he told me so! He can't lie! How did the disease transfer over to him?"  
>"I have no idea but this is a wonderful opportunity."<br>"Opportunity? Opportunity for me to get raped, that's what it is!"  
>"Now, now. No need to panic."<br>"Easy for you to say! What am I supposed to do?"  
>"Use your advantage: namely, you can lie. So you must lie your way into getting him to reveal secrets about Dollars. This is perfect."<br>"…I hate you. I hope you know that."  
>"I trust you to do this."<br>Which meant that Kida was doomed if he failed.  
>"How can I possibly ferret information when he is planning to rape me?"<br>"Don't be so dramatic. Just say something like, 'my heart isn't ready yet'. Bet that'll convince him."  
>"Are you insane? That's encouraging him!"<br>"It'll gain you time to find out things. Can't have him jumping your bones before that."  
>"How callous and cruel can you be?"<br>"You know, for a former gang leader you sure can be a wimp. No offense, I say this to spur you into gaining a backbone one of these days."  
>"Oh shut up. If you want to find out those things so badly why don't you ask him yourself? He can't lie at the moment!"<br>"Hmm…no, that wouldn't do. If he told me anything even remotely compromising he'd have to kill me. But he'll tell you everything because he has the hots for you. Who knows, it might even be true love!"  
>"You are a horrible person."<br>"But I suppose I should look more into how Mikado acquired this condition. Do you remember how you first got it?"  
>"I don't know, it just happened. One moment I was fine the other I was unable to lie."<br>"Not very helpful info."  
>"Gee, sorry."<br>"Sarcasm is the hallmark of the immature, Masaomi."  
>Kida rolled his eyes.<br>"Whatever. Did you find a way of curing it? Without having sex, that is?"  
>There was of course Namie's miraculous shots but Izaya was not about to just divulge that.<br>"Maybe! Tell you what, I'll let you know all about it if you come back with juicy inside information from Mikado. Trust your best friend! It's not as if he'll go all crazy ballpoint pen on you, now is it? Young people are so distrustful and selfish. Think about Mikado's feelings, he must be so sad now."  
>"Like you care!"<br>"I am a caring individual, Slave-"  
>"You said it again! You called me Slave!"<br>"No. No, I didn't. Why would I call you that? I pay you, Kida-kun."  
>"A pittance! You said it yourself, you pay me less than the minimum wage!"<br>"Hard economic times."  
>"Not for you! You're filthy rich!"<br>"Be glad you have a job at all considering your qualifications or lack thereof. So less jealousy and more working."  
>Kida sighed.<br>"Fine, I'll see what I can do. But if I get raped it'll be on your head!"  
>"Always shifting responsibility to others. So saddening, Sla-, I mean Kida-kun."<br>Izaya finished the call and turned to Shizuo.  
>"Tsk, I think I got into the habit of telling the truth even now!"<br>"Fucking man slut, that's what you are."  
>"And that's just the way you like me."<br>"Bloody hell…"  
>"No need to worry, I'm your man slut. I won't cheat on you."<br>"Good- I mean, who the hell cares, we're not dating!"  
>"Yes. Yes, we are. Resistance is futile, Shizu-chan. I've already posted on my facebook wall so there's no turning back now. The interwebs never forget."<br>Shizuo started.  
>"You posted it online that we're dating?"<br>"Yes! Might as well make it super public. People were a bit surprised."  
>"Shit!"<br>"Let's go out, Shizu-chan!"  
>"What for!"<br>"It's a date. What else? Your stupidity is one of your charm points but at times it is something of a challenge."

Kida had half a mind to simply ignore Izaya's commands altogether but there was no way he could pay the rent without this month's paycheck. So cursing his unlucky stars he tiptoed around to see that he was not caught by surprise and then called Mikado. It occurred to Kida that he could of course get Mikado to spill the beans over the phone and thus avoid a lot of complications.  
>"Hi there, Mikado. What's up?"<br>"Masaomi! Where are you? Wait, no need to tell me, I'll just trace the call. I suspect you won't tell me anyway because you're still a bit freaked out."  
>Kida started.<br>"Trace the call? You can do that?"


	14. Chapter 14

"Of course I can, I've got my ways. How do you think I managed to create Dollars? You're not supposed to know any of this!"  
>Kida was about to toss away the phone and the rent be damned, he could always crash under the overpass for a while when his phone beeped to register that he had a call pending from Izaya. He put Mikado on hold and took the call.<br>"Did you figure out something to help me out?"  
>"Oh, no. Just wanted to remind you that it might be better for you to tell Mikado that you're a blushing virgin. I don't want him knocking at my door and acting up over stealing your purity or something equally silly. That would be very bad, Masaomi. Very bad indeed. So, if he does jump your bones you better hope that the thing does not transfer over to you again. It's best you just fish for info. Bye bee!"<br>"Orihara- damn you to hell, you just hanged up on me again!"  
>And indeed Izaya did it for he had a hot date ahead. Kida cursed and cursed anew, turned a corner and there was Ryuugamine Mikado in the flesh, the one and only, aka Shibari-kun.<br>"Mikado! Hi there! Passing by?"  
>"No, I traced the call and followed you here. And you were talking to Orihara Izaya, I could tell but unfortunately I could not hear the conversation. What were you talking about with him?"<br>Kida flailed, he was not expecting to find Mikado this abruptly but at least Mikado's Gestapo resources did not extend to actually tapping calls. Not yet, at least.  
>"Nothing much, we were just talking about this cool store in Shinjuku."<br>"I don't like you going to stores with him. And you should always do what I say, not just because I'm the boss around here but because you belong to me in a personal way."  
>"Eh…belong, you say…?"<br>Mikado nodded. Apparently he was done freaking out and quite collected.  
>"Yes. I have rights on you since I've known you for the longest of times and the reason why I moved to Ikebukuro in the first place is because you are my treasured property. That is why it is not at all wrong for me to use my brand new set of ropes on you, I got them just for that purpose. Six months of living on a string budget but it was worth every yen, they're the smoothest ropes you can find."<br>"Ah…"  
>Mikado smiled reassuringly.<br>"So don't worry. I never used them on a real person before but I read how to do it online and researched on forums. It's all very safe."  
>"Right…"<br>As loquacious as Kida was wont to be he was now completely at a loss for words. It was ironic that Izaya for all his trollish ways was not half as creepy as Mikado at his most earnest. And it was getting worse with each confession.  
>"I got a dummy that is just your size to train on, too. At first it was difficult to get it just right, the ropes kept digging into the dummy until it was frayed but I mastered it. I dyed a mop yellow to use as a wig for greater realism."<br>"Oh my god, that is, I don't even!"  
>Mikado blushed and scratched a cheek as his eyes darted all over the place.<br>"I was waiting for just the right time to tell you but odds are I'd never have the courage to do it without having to drug you first so this is perfect, in a way, that I cannot lie. Maybe it is fate? Masaomi…? Are you alright?"  
>Kida was not alright at all. It was with an effort that he put on a happy face and his voice nearly broke.<br>"Fine and dandy! Never better!"  
>Mikado nodded.<br>"This may be a surprise to you but I am sure that with time you will accept it. You do not really have much of a choice in the matter since I love you. And my love has been tested so you can trust that it is true."  
>"Sure…"<br>Mikado frowned as something unpleasant occurred to him.  
>"I hope that you have broken up with that girl for good."<br>"Saki?"  
>Mikado's frown deepened and to Kida's sheer horror he reached into the pocket where Kida knew the infamous ballpoint pen was kept.<br>"That you have to ask leads me to think that there are other girls. I will have you know that I have a detailed list of the females that hover around you."  
>"Do you now,"<br>"I don't like spying but I have to be careful in case they take advantage of you. I care, Masaomi."  
>It was almost touching.<p> 


	15. Chapter 15

"That's great. You're my best friend, of course."  
>"I missed you very much when we were apart. I was worried sick all the time but now I can keep an eye on you. I always have your best interest in mind. As for friendship, it is a wonderful thing but what I really want is going on dates and doing things that couples do… including that, of course, I don't have any firsthand experience but you can trust me."<br>"Trust is good."  
>"I've been lying to you up till now because I did not have a choice, I hid the bondage training mannequin in the false building of my apartment when you dropped by. I couldn't let you see it. But now I know that I'll get to try my ropes on you instead."<br>Kida nearly had a heart attack even if it was to be expected.  
>"Er, don't you think that's a bit too…"<br>"Masaomi, I am a strong believer in marital sex."  
>"Oh, sure."<br>It was the only good news Kida had heard the whole day, it bailed him out of a very complicated conundrum.  
>"By the time we are of age I will have used my influence to change legislation and allow same sex marriage."<p>

"It's rare to see you at a loss for words, I'll take it as you being too happy to speak. Now, I am in two minds about your hair. It is very sexy and I like it a lot but I am not sure whether it is proper."  
>"Proper…?"<br>"Shizuo-san has blonde hair and he is something of a delinquent, in the future you will be my dutiful wife and I am not sure it would be proper for you to have dyed hair."  
>"Dutiful wife…?"<br>"I hope that it is still shock making you so unarticulated. You're pretty smart, not as much as I am but still, but you have a great flaw. You don't think ahead. Aren't you happy to have me? I'll make sure you're provided for, I plan on running a major company before I hit twenty, so you won't have to scramble for a job. All you have to do is look after the house and be a good wife. I'd like it if you took up flower arrangement."  
>Kida did not even know what to say. At length something occurred to him.<br>"How does being a proper wife and arranging flowers go with bondage…?"  
>"It just does. It's not like I'll make you call me 'master' or anything, but 'boss' every now and then might be fun."<br>"Tell you what, Mikado. Since you want a traditional wife with an edge you should get some girl who is already into that kind of thing. I'm sure you can find someone who fits your taste perfectly."  
>Mikado folded his arms in a borderline authoritarian manner.<br>"You're not taking my feelings seriously. I don't want someone else, I want you. And I always get what I want."  
>"Don't I get a saying on this…?"<br>"I am confident that I convince you. By the way, the other time you were saying something about Orihara-san and how I wasn't your type. What exactly did you mean?"  
>"Oh, that! I was just kidding! You know me, I joke around a lot."<br>"I know and I don't at all approve. Most of the times your sense of humor is misplaced or crude. It hardly ever fits the situation and is not easily understood."  
>"Okay…I got to ask, with so much that you dislike about me what is it that you actually like?"<br>Mikado blushed, a pretty shade of pink.  
>"I guess that's just the way love goes. I can't really explain it but I love you more than anything. If I can to choose between you or Dollars I would pick you, Masaomi. So don't make me sad, okay?"<br>"Will you stab me with that ballpoint pen of yours?"  
>"Of course not, don't be preposterous. But I may have to punish you. Please don't make me punish you."<br>"So this is my fault now?"  
>"I am willing to accommodate your flaws but I expect you to make an effort. Also, I do not tolerate unfaithfulness. I mean it. It does call for the pen."<br>Kida decided to ignore the topic at hand for more reasons than one and opted to steer the conversation to the theme he needed to get Mikado to expound upon.  
>"So, you're the founder of Dollars? Fancy that!"<br>"Yes, I was planning on having a great reveal at the right time. Since I wanted to impress you."  
>Kida was sort of moved.<br>"That's nice of you, Mikado."  
>"I have been planning to shape our relationship since kindergarten. I have a step-by-step plan."<br>"Ah…"


	16. Chapter 16

"I ran many possible scenarios, including one in which you moved away like you did. But it was still very difficult, I didn't know what you were up to. I tried several methods of long distance surveillance but they were not satisfactory. Until I came up with Dollars and used it for that effect with decent results."  
>Kida was finding out more things than he had bargained for.<br>"You created Dollars to keep tabs on me?"  
>"As well as to impress you like I told you. It shows just how important you are to me."<br>Needless to say Kida was not even remotely happy.  
>"What are you, the KGB…?"<br>"I prefer the Mossad myself, more efficient all around."  
>"That's not the issue…."<br>"I may spy on you but I have the best intentions."  
>Kida wondered just how Mikado had managed to miss some vital pieces of information, all things considered.<br>"Sure, I believe you."  
>Mikado looked around then took Kida's hand and dragged him down the street.<br>"We shouldn't be having this conversation here, there are too many people around."  
>For a split second Kida was sure that Mikado had had a sudden change of heart and was about to rape him. As it turned out, Mikado only brought him to a small café and picked a two seat table in a corner. He produced a brochure and flattened it on the table.<br>"I've been looking into apartments already. It is never too early to begin studying the market and I am investing on a special account to purchase the right habitation when the time comes."  
>"You mean for the two of us to live together?"<br>Mikado frowned darkly.  
>"Obviously. You really must pay attention to what people tell you and especially to what I say. Luckily you don't need to worry too much about scholastic achievements since I will take care of you but still, listening to what others say is very important."<br>"I'm listening but it's all a bit… insane?"  
>Mikado smiled happily and to Kida's absolute horror actually petted his head.<br>"You may have no qualifications and zero prospects of getting any which makes you unemployable but that is all for the best. That way you have no choice but to rely on me for financial as well as emotional support and will never even conceive of leaving me."  
>Kida had half a mind of informing him that he actually had an employment and that the pay, while not the best, was enough for him to toss Mikado by the wayside. But Kida suspected that Mikado would bring out the infamous ropes.<br>"Looks like you've planned everything."  
>"If you're thinking about the wedding night, I've done a lot of studying so it'll be great."<br>"Wait, you've been watching porn? Is this gay porn…?"  
>"It's not porn, I mean educational material. I want it to be enjoyable to you as well. I remember you saying something about watching gay porn."<br>"Oh, that! It was a joke, a joke."  
>"I hope so. I don't think highly of porn."<br>"Er, right, no porn you say…?"  
>"Unless it is porn that we make ourselves for private use. I'd like that a lot, in fact."<br>"I bet!"  
>"Also, there is this wedding dress I have in mind, white and simple. No need to make it fancy."<br>"This wedding dress is for me…?"  
>"Obviously. I've also looked into the available brands of condoms and the several types. That and toys that you can play with to get used to. But I can't afford any yet, it's amazing how expensive sex toys are. I've compared prices online and am waiting for a special summer sale to purchase some anal beads for you."<br>Not exactly a gift Kida was at all looking forward to.  
>"Tell you what, how about you save that money and buy something else."<br>"By the way, there's still a lot of time to decide but if you want to go for a more traditional Japanese wedding kimono I am fine with it too. I mean, you're just so cute no matter what you wear."  
>Mikado blushed anew and Kida had to struggle not to burst into a fit of giggles.<br>"Cute, you say…"  
>"You really have no idea of how much I suffered while we were apart. At first I kept getting panic attacks, Tokyo is a dangerous place after all, and I was afraid you'd escape from my control. But I found that breathing into a paper bag took care of that and got so much better."<br>"Glad to see you're doing better. How about Dollars, tell me more about that."  
>Kida might as well get Mikado to cough up some useful information.<p> 


	17. Chapter 17

While Kida was learning so many new things about his best friend, most of which he would rather remain in the dark about, Izaya was strolling around with Shizuo in an apparently random part of town. In reality he had chosen it because he knew Shinra should drop by soon. So it was no mere coincidence that Shinra did indeed run into them.  
>"Hi there, Shizuo. What's this crazy stuff Izaya posted on his facebook? Something about you two dating…?"<br>Shizuo was about to protest when Izaya bounced forward, cell phone in hand.  
>"What was Kasuka's number again, oh goodie I have it on speed dial! Press 'send' and the video will be on its way-"<br>"Yeah, we're _dating_."  
>Shizuo spat out the word through mostly clenched teeth, somehow. Shinra blinked.<br>"Now that's…strange."  
>"Shizu-chan and I are an item now!"<br>"Is he blackmailing you or something?"  
>And thus Shinra realized the truth. Izaya immediately gasped in his shocked voice.<br>"Of course not. We just found out that our feelings are mutual."  
>"Mutual? Don't you guys hate each other?"<br>"Pure love, Shinra! The hate part is there for some serious hate sexing-"  
>"Shut up!"<br>Shizuo flailed rather pathetically.  
>"I'm just telling the truth, Shizu-chan."<br>"Then lie! Lie already, you're good at that so LIE!"  
>Shinra blinked a few times.<br>"Are you saying that it actually is true…?"  
>"Many things have happened that made us get into the habit of telling the truth. It is always better to be truthful to oneself."<br>"Many things…?"  
>Shizuo tried to lead Shinra away.<br>"Pay no attention, he's just being annoying like always."  
>"Not <em>always<em>. You liked it just fine when you were doing me. By many things I do mean 'this and that' as Shizu-chan would put it!"  
>Shizuo blushed and stammered awkwardly.<br>"Not like that, I mean- it's just that- er, you see Shinra, Izaya just, he- well,"  
>"Try using verbs, darling."<br>"Darling?"  
>"I get to call you 'darling' if I want. It's part of being a couple!"<br>"That's it, you're going down!"  
>Izaya acted all mock coy, batting eyelashes and all.<br>"I don't know if I am ready to do that kind of thing here in the middle of the street for everyone to see but you're such a sexy beast, always ready to get it on."  
>"The fuck! I didn't mean it like that!"<br>Shinra adjusted his glasses. This was becoming rather familiar.  
>"So basically you're still fighting like cats and dogs but now you 're having sex as well? The world may be doomed now."<br>"He practically forced me into it!"  
>Izaya rolled his eyes.<br>"Oh please. As if I could do that."  
>"With trippy chemicals!"<br>"Aphrodisiacs only increase attraction, they don't make it appear out of nowhere and they sure as hell can't force you into doing anything."  
>Shizuo was on something of a roll.<br>"But you were naked and ropes and- and- fucking flea, you forced me!"  
>"Must I remind you yet again that I have it all recorded? How about we let Shinra see and ask what he thinks happened?"<br>Shizuo turned very white.  
>"No need for that."<br>"Why not, Shi-zu-chan~?"  
>"Don't you have any shame? Getting people to see that kind of thing, when it's private! What happens between two adults in a bedroom,"<br>"Or more."  
>"Or more than one bedroom? The hell!"<br>"More than two adults, I meant."  
>Shizuo jabbed a finger and rejoiced as if he had suddenly gained some unexpected leverage. Shinra stayed put watching the whole thing, fascinated. It was better than the movies.<br>"I knew you were one of those people, with them orgies and shit! Sick in the head, that's what you are!"  
>Izaya shrugged.<br>"I meant in general terms. Besides, I don't need other people since I have you. You're worth over ten hot guys and then some! Best sex ever."  
>"Will you stop being all creepy! You're supposed to be cured, stop telling the truth!"<br>"Just because I am no longer compelled to tell the truth does not mean that I won't opt to tell it like it is."  
>"Shit, shit, <em>shit<em>."  
>At this point Celty arrived on her bike.<br>[Shizuo, what are you doing with Izaya…? Never mind his facebook, he's just crazy]  
>"We are a couple now, Shizu-chan and I!"<br>Celty titled her helmet to the side and turned to Shinra who shrugged.  
>[You don't actually expect me to believe that]<br>Shizuo muttered something. Izaya leant toward Shizuo, slyly.  
>"Can't hear you properly."<br>"I SAID WE'RE FUCKING DATING, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?"


	18. Chapter 18

Celty dropped her PDA. Izaya did a silly victory dance that included skipping and flapping his arms weirdly.  
>"Yay, happiness!"<br>[What is going on here? Shinra…?]  
>"Seems like they're dating."<br>"It's not just the wonderful sex either, we are a couple through and through. Neh, Shizu-chan?"  
>Shizuo mumbled something unintelligible.<br>[Shizuo…? You're gay? That's unexpected but it's fine, I don't mind it at all but there are better guys than Izaya.]  
>"Hey, I don't like your tone. It comes across even in text form. Hate all you want, we are the hottest couple ever. And that is the truth."<br>Shizuo had had enough of the truth to last him a lifetime.  
>[Shinra, say something!]<br>Shinra shrugged.  
>"Shizuo is an adult, he can date whoever he wants. Who knows, maybe this is what he needs. To settle down with a, er, dedicated partner."<br>Izaya skipped a bit more.  
>"Domestic life will be bliss, Shizu-chan! Take heart."<br>This jolted Shizuo.  
>"Domestic life, what do you mean? There's no way I'm moving in with you!"<br>"Oh yes you are!"  
>And without further ado Izaya latched himself to Shizuo's back. Because one of the best things about having a hunk of a boyfriend with absurd strength it was that he doubled as a means of transportation as well as delicious sex tool.<p>

"You wrap the obi like this, see?"  
>Kida cringed as Mikado exemplified.<br>"I don't want you wasting your money on this."  
>"Making you prettier is never a waste of money. Besides, I know the owner of this shop and he got me a special deal. I got the idea from that time Anri dressed up in a pretty yukata."<br>Mikado placed the golden yukata on Kida to see if it was the right size.  
>"Ah, that's good but this is a female yukata."<br>Apparently Mikado's knowledge of gender coded clothing was slipping.  
>"Men's yukatas are too bland and yellow is your color."<br>Kida jumped at this.  
>"Yellow is my color? What do you mean?"<br>"I mean your hair, of course. What else could I mean?"  
>Mikado's frowned.<br>"No idea."  
>"Back then with Anri I was afraid that you'd found out when you started going on about our relationship changing."<br>"…I so did not mean like this!"  
>Mikado surveyed the yukata anew with close attention.<br>"Anyway, it'll look great on you but maybe you shouldn't put it just now, I want to wait until marriage and I'm not sure I'd be able to hold back."  
>And on cue Mikado blushed.<br>"Mikado, you do realize how scary you sound, right?"  
>"Sorry but that's puberty for you, it's not like I can help it and I do love you. And it's not like I'll use the obi to tie you up."<br>"Gee, thanks."  
>"Also, I leave it up to you to choose where to go on our honeymoon. I will have unlimited funds by then so you can pick any place."<br>"Aren't you thinking a bit too ahead?"  
>"One can never do that. We could go to some romantic place as for me I wouldn't mind just staying in bed all the time so it wouldn't matter much where we are. I have many things I want to try out."<br>Something occurred to Kida.  
>"Tell you what, you really don't want to marry me. Think about it, you want to have kids, right? That'll be impossible with me."<br>"Of course I've thought of that as well and there's no need to worry. Science has been taking big strides in that area. I am sure by then there will technology that makes it possible."  
>Kida had no words. It was beyond insane.<p>

Izaya was still glomping Shizuo when he spotted something very yellow half running half stumbling his way.  
>"Could it be Kida-kun! Now, now. You're slacking off. I don't pay you to cosplay as the yellow power ranger."<br>"Ori-hara- thank god I've found you!"  
>Kida had to catch his breath and then looked around furtively.<br>"I'm not happy, you're interrupting my date-"  
>"He's after me!"<br>"Who is? Oh, you mean Mika-"  
>"Don't say it! You'll summon him! And I just managed to get away!"<br>"Care to explain the outfit?"  
>Kida wanted to vent so he took the opportunity.<br>"It's a yellow yukata! He got it for me! And it gets worse! Much worse! He wants to marry me! Can you believe that?"  
>"Ah, unfortunately that is impossible. In some areas this country is still rather backward-"<br>"He's getting the law changed!"  
>"My, changing the constitution? How ambitious! I am behind this a hundred per cent. That way I too can marry the love of my life, Shi-zu-chan~"<br>Shizuo choked. Kida facepalmed. Celty shook her helmet. Shinra chuckled.


	19. Chapter 19

"Never mind that! Do something about him!"  
>Kida gesticulated and looked around as if he expected to spot Mikado just around the corner or perhaps popping from a manhole lid. By then Izaya had abandoned Shizuo's back and peered past Kida's shoulder.<br>"Mikado isn't even in sight. Calm down."  
>"You don't understand! He sees <em>everything<em>!"  
>"Gee, better check your paranoia there. He's not exactly omnipresent."<br>But Kida was not at all convinced. In his franticness he even managed to miss Shizuo, Shinra and Celty.  
>"We can't stay here, he can see us."<br>Kida tugged at Izaya's sleeve.  
>"We shouldn't talk shop in the middle of the street but I'm not going anywhere. I've been revving for this date for almost ten years now. Now, I know you won't forget my hot sexiness ever but you have to let go, Masaomi-"<br>"I'm not even talking about that!"  
>Shizuo finally decided to intervene.<br>"I don't like you talking about doing stuff with other people, I don't fucking like it- we're dating, so shut the fuck up about your fuck buddies!"  
>And of course Shizuo glared at Kida.<br>"Heiwajima-san, this isn't my fault at all!"  
>It was one of those days when nothing ever goes right. From having Mikado stalking him with ropes to now Shizuo giving him a deadly stare down. It even made Izaya's breezy attitude bearable by comparison. Meanwhile Izaya glomped Shizuo anew.<br>"Shizu-chan! Look at you, getting all possessive. It is hot."  
>"Don't get me wrong! I just don't like people thinking you're cheating on me! I ain't cool with that! And will you let go already!"<br>Izaya only clung tighter, his smile eclipsing his eyes in a disturbing manner.  
>"Shizu-chan, that's no way to address your boyfriend. I didn't mind it too much when you were on rage mode about me but things have changed. So be nice to me, neh?"<br>"…sure…"  
>"See how you can be sensible when you try? And that we have an actual conversation without outbursts of violence or expletives?"<br>Celty typed rapidly.  
>[You're choking him! No matter how you look at it, you're totally choking him!]<br>"…am okay…"  
>Izaya tilted his head to the side.<br>"Strangling? Why, I'd never. I am merely disciplining Shizu-chan as he has self-restrain issues."  
>Izaya finally leapt out of Shizuo's back.<br>"Orihara-san,"  
>"Hold it right there, Masaomi. You're a walking fashion crime and it'd hurt my image to be seen talking to you. "<br>Just then a voice was heard.  
>"Step away from Masaomi right now."<br>And just like this Mikado had arrived.  
>"I told you he was around! Now I'm doomed and it's all your fault!"<br>In his dismay Kida was not even sure whom to blame, Mikado for being too creepy or Izaya for being, well, Izaya. Mikado took a step forward, ballpoint pen in hand.  
>"Hello, Mikado-kun! What can I do for you this fine day?"<br>"You can step away from my property. Masomi is mine and I won't let you have him. I can be very forceful when I'm cross."  
>"Ah, well you have him all to yourself, really. I'm not interested in him that way."<br>"Don't just throw me to the lions like that!"  
>Kida flailed to no avail.<br>"I hope so. Now, Masaomi I am not at all happy with you. You were supposed to be trying on your yukata not to run away like that. Fortunately I placed a tracking device on the obi otherwise it would have been very difficult to find you. I don't like this distance between us."  
>Celty's confusion increased.<br>[Mikado…? What is going on here?]  
>"I was going to wait but I might as well make it public now. I am in love with Masaomi and we're going to get married as soon as we graduate. Of course I expect you to graduate, Masaomi. It won't do to be a high school dropout. Even with a diploma no one will hire you so my plan can proceed smoothly."<br>For the second time in the day Celty dropped her PDA.  
>"Oh god, why me."<br>"Mikado-kun, Mikado-kun! Guess what!"  
>"What?"<br>"I'll help you out with changing the constitution! Screw article 24!"  
>Only now did Shizuo react.<br>"No need to do that on my account, I don't want to marry you!"  
>"Oh but you will marry me, Shizu-chan. Rest assured that you will. Resistance is utterly futile. We'll live in my Shinjuku apartment and have the most delicious sex ever. If you need to rationalize it then think of it as destiny."<p> 


	20. Chapter 20

The concept of 'destiny' appealed to Mikado.  
>"Love is destiny, it makes sense. As I expected from you, Orihara-san. You are very wise. I suppose being older really is an advantage."<br>Kida rolled his eyes.  
>"Brilliant, now they're buddies."<br>"It'll never work! They'll never make gay marriage legal here! Never!"  
>Shizuo at least hoped not.<br>"Tsk, tsk, silly Shizu-chan. Don't you know the country you're living in? This is Japan. Even if the majority of people oppose it, the moment it becomes law everyone will just get on with the program. Japan is a law abiding country."  
>"No way!"<br>"Yes, way. You know I am right. Some old birds will probably keep on bitching but the rest of the country would just go on their daily lives. And Mikado-kun, it is in your best interest to hurry up with the legislation flip. That way when the time comes for you to get married people will already be used to the thought and not care much."  
>"I see your point but as much as you have good advice I always suspect your reasons for supplying it and I do not at all approve about your being so familiar around Masaomi. You're not allowed to address him by his given name. Only I can do that because I am special."<br>Kida face-palmed.  
>"Now, now, I was just being a friendly person. That is all."<br>Shinra had to cough to attract their attention.  
>"Didn't I see Kida-kun going to Izaya's apartment the other day?"<br>Kida could have killed him.  
>"Masaomi, what were you doing?"<br>"Me? Nothing, nothing at all! It must surely be a misunderstanding. He must have mistaken me for someone else."  
>"I'm sure it was you."<br>Just when Kida thought he was dead meat Izaya came to the rescue thus proving that there is no order to the universe. Somehow.  
>"You're not being very fair to Kida-kun here. I mean, whose opinion are you going to take? Your future bride whom you love or a shady fellow that you barely know? Besides, look at Shinra, with those thick glasses he probably cannot tell Kida-kun apart from Shizu-chan."<br>Mikado's frown eased.  
>"I suppose you're right. Masaomi, I got us an exchange diary. I already wrote some, now it's your turn."<br>And indeed Mikado handed him a rather bulky notebook. With plenty of pages.  
>"What century are you even from! Yukatas, exchange diaries, what next? Tea ceremonies?"<br>"Oh, that's a great idea. I'd like that. It goes well with the flower arrangement. You could arrange a vase of daisies."  
>"Why!"<br>"Because daisies are yellow."  
>Before Kida could flail more Izaya again interrupted.<br>"I have an idea, let's go get our names written in pretty calligraphy! My name next to Shizu-chan's, Mikado-kun's next to Kida-kun's. There's a guy down the street who does it by a reasonable price."  
>[Shinra, do you understand just what on Earth is going on?]<br>"Celty, let's get our names written as well!"  
>"Why do you have to get my name written next to yours,"<br>"Shizu-chan, less arguing now. You have such a poetic name! 'Shizuo', it is wonderful. Written with the kanji for 'peaceful'."  
>"Yeah, my name is cool and I'm a peaceful man."<br>"Sure thing, Shizu-chan. How about a pretty heart shaped frame in pretty ink?"  
>"That'd be cool, I mean, who would want that?"<br>Izaya giggled.  
>[Shizuo, you're totally getting caught up in his pace!"]<br>Shizuo mumbled something under his breath. Meanwhile they had reached the calligraphy master and Mikado was asking for two copies of his and Kida's name so that they could hang above their beds.  
>"Pay attention to how he draws, I think you should take up calligraphy too."<br>"To go with the flower arrangement and the rest of your Edo age ideas?"  
>"Your calligraphy is very sloppy, I've noticed. You don't have to worry when writing in the exchange diary, just write in hiragana. I am sure it is easier for you since kanji is not your forte. I'm not asking you actually understand kanji, just to draw it prettily on special occasions like New Years. So just write like you'd talk but don't use slang, I don't really understand it and it's not ladylike at all."<br>"…so now I'm an idiot? That's what you're saying? What the hell, you want me to be a dense token wife?"  
>Mikado frowned darkly.<p> 


	21. Chapter 21

"Watch your language, Masaomi. I didn't mean to imply that you are unintelligent but clearly scholastic skills are not your forte at all. We have been through this before. This reminds me, I could give you private kanji lessons. It would be very romantic."  
>"You do realize I know how to read already, right…?"<br>"It would be very romantic. Instead of your shameless flirting it is much better to spend quality time together in an intimate setting. It will develop our relationship."  
>"…you said 'very romantic' twice…"<br>"Also, it is more correct to say 'Edo period' instead of 'Edo age'. But I am happy you at least have a basic understanding of Japanese history."  
>"You don't actually listen to what I say, do you?"<br>Izaya interrupted.  
>"Mikado, your intentions are praise worthy and all the more reason to push for a legislation change right now. Think about it, it's not just getting people used to the idea but it's also using your resources to their best advantage. You know how politicians keep changing. Who can tell if you'll be able to pull strings on people in high places when the time comes? Not to mention, once you are powerful it will be much more difficult to move behind the scenes without attracting the wrong kind of attention."<br>"You raise some very important points."  
>"I'm your ally on this."<br>Mikado nodded.  
>"Yes, it suits your interests so I am sure I can trust you on this. Not that I actually trust you, of course. Write 'Ryuugamine Masaomi'".<br>This last bit was aimed at the calligraphy artist.  
>"Who's that?"<br>"I obviously mean you, Masaomi. When we get married you will adopt my family name. It's a cool name, too."  
>"…I'll pass."<br>"Oh, look at the time. It is getting late, I better escort you home."  
>"What are you talking about? It is only five."<br>"That is far too late. This city is becoming so dangerous as of late, I worry that those color gangs will do you harm since you are so cute and helpless. Especially those Yellow Scarves people, they seem to be back in action and up to no good."  
>The irony made Izaya chuckle.<br>"Er, I don't think you need to worry too much."  
>"I will have to deal with the ringleader on my own terms. It may very well include using the pen, it is impossible to reason with gang leaders. When I think that he may kidnap you, I hyperventilate."<br>Kida sighed.  
>"Look, just leave me alone. I can't handle having you breathing down my neck all the time!"<br>"I am also afraid of stalkers. You are such an easy target for a stalker. The other day I followed around for five whole blocks and you did not notice me. If you ever suspect that there is someone suspicious about you must tell me right away."  
>"There is someone suspicious stalking me already."<br>"And only now do you tell me? Why must you always be so careless."  
>"I meant you. You're a first class stalker! Using Dollars to keep tabs on me?"<br>Izaya decided to intervene yet again because it would not do for the conversation to carry on without his having a saying.  
>"By the way, Shizu-chan. I knew you'd find it difficult to tell your brother and Tom-san so I took the liberty of hacking into your facebook account,"<br>"I have a facebook account?"  
>"You do now. In reality you already have one but I bet someone just set it up for you and you forgot all about it. So I posted all about us on your wall. Figured people would think I was trolling unless there was some confirmation on your part."<br>Shizuo flailed as if he was not yet used to Izaya's ways.  
>"How? And when did you do this!"<br>"Just a while ago."  
>Mikado did not of course approve.<br>"This is why I would never use facebook. I only use sites I am in absolute control of, if I cannot be behind every little detail then I cannot be at ease."  
>"Control freak!"<br>Mikado went into lecturing mode.  
>"You also need to be very careful who you talk to online."<br>"Oh, shut up. You don't even know who Kanra is."  
>Kida was reaching that point of not caring.<br>"Masaomi, do you know something about Kanra-san?"  
>Izaya stepped between them, all smiles. Shizuo shivered.<br>"Now, now, you boys should be exploring your love instead of talking about online people. How about that exchange diary? I am sure Kida-kun will have a lot of fun writing on it. A shame I can't do the same with Shizu-chan, he never got around to learning how to read."


	22. Chapter 22

[Just how rude can you get? Tell him, Shizuo!]  
>But Shizuo was surprisingly reluctant.<br>"I can read, it's just some kanji that trip me...up to four strokes I'm all good."  
>"Aw, just like I like my men: simple minded studs."<br>"Again with the plural! What 'men', there should be only me for you!"  
>Izaya actually made a squee sound and waltzed around Shizuo.<br>"Indeed! Spoken like you mean it, Shizu-chan. It is time to go to the aquarium! They just opened a whole new section at the Sunshine."  
>"Why do we have to go…"<br>"Because a) no date is complete without going to the aquarium and b) all those fish are bound to look delicious!"  
>"What kind of freak drools over aquarium fish! They're not to eat!"<br>"Silly you, god made all fish for me to eat. It is the purpose of their existence and I am sure they are honored to give their life for the sake of feeding me, Orihara Izaya."  
>"I ain't going- oh, I guess it's fine, then…"<br>Izaya had just whispered something into Shizuo's ear and he was clearly very persuasive.  
>"Yay. And while we're there we can get a weird penguin shaped hat and get our resident sick girl, Saki, to wear it. Maybe she'll turn all dominatrix and start Kida-kun orders to obtain the Penguin Drum even as she calls him a 'lowlife who will never amount to much'. Survival Strategy!"<br>"I have no fucking clue what you're going on about."  
>And Mikado did not get it either but of course he had something to say.<br>"That girl will be doing no such thing as I have given strict orders to Masaomi not to meet her again. And Masaomi's goal in life is to be my wife which is a wonderfully ambitious prospect."  
>"Mikado, from now on I think I'll call you Ringo. You even have a diary. Better watch under the floorboards of your place, Kida-kun."<br>Shizuo coughed a few times.  
>"Thought we were going to the aquarium…"<br>"Shizu-chan! Your eagerness is touching."  
>[Look, he is obviously blackmailing you with something or other. Did he kidnap Kasuka? Or Tom? That's it, isn't it?]<br>Celty was getting too confused.  
>"Hey, that's a mean thing to say. I'd never do that."<br>"Yeah, that's not it…Izaya here, er, it's just that…you know how it goes…"  
>[No, I don't! And I'm not too sure I want to know! And Mikado, you're creeping me out.]<br>Mikado ignored all this commotion given that he was a boy who understood his priorities and kept in mind.  
>"I allow you to have friends, too. As long as I know their names, their address, their parents' occupation and income, their part-time jobs if any, their hobbies if objectionable, their school, their school record and grades, their sexual orientation, their blood type (it's not too important but it is a matter of being thorough), and other information I find pertinent. If they fit my standards then you can of course be friends with them but if I veto them then I expect you to drop them. Most of the things I can find out by myself."<br>Kida took a step back and nearly stumbled on the yukata.  
>"There is something very wrong with you, you know."<br>"No one will ever love you the way I do, Masaomi."  
>"I surely hope not!"<br>"It really is getting late and past your curfew hour."  
>"Curfew…?"<br>"I don't want you walking around after dark."  
>"Again, it's not even five!"<br>"Still. Imagine if you were sold overseas? I would never recover, it would probably kill me."  
>"So basically it's all about you, isn't it? That's what you're worried about."<br>"Of course not, it is also about this city. If you were sold overseas,"  
>"And why would that even happen!"<br>"It would make me so sad and angry that I would have to burn down Tokyo because this city is not worth existing if you're not here."  
>"!"<p>

Izaya whistled.  
>"I must say, that is extremely crazy."<br>"Love makes people do crazy things."  
>[Is everyone on drugs here?]<br>Shizuo grumbled something no one could discern and then dragged Izaya away.  
>"Gotta go to that aquarium."<br>"Don't demolish the tanks now, Shizu-chan. Bye guys! Two on two quality time is now."  
>And Izaya and Shizuo left the scene. Leaving Kida to step closer to Celty for moral support.<br>[You were kidding just now, right?]  
>Shinra decided it was time to add to this discussion.<br>"If someone hurt my precious Celty,"  
>[Not now, too much creepiness going on already]<br>"I am serious. Love is about needing the other person in order to live."


	23. Chapter 23

"How did you go from that to burning down Tokyo? Who are you, the psycho girl from Seed Destiny? She had an excuse, she was on drugs."  
>[Drugs again. Maybe we should consider an intervention]<br>Mikado disliked the suggestion and took it personally.  
>"It goes without saying that I do not consume toxic substances. The same cannot be said for you, Masaomi."<br>"Say what?"  
>"You hang out with the wrong crowd and you're at a susceptible age."<br>"We're the same age!"  
>"True but I am mature for my age while you are very immature and easily influenced. Speaking of which, don't move."<br>"What the- that HURTS!"  
>Mikado had just produced a not too small syringe and without further ado plunged it into Kida's arm and extracted a blood sample that he carefully stored in a special container.<br>"I am having this analyzed to see if you have been doing drugs. I'll need a urine sample too but it is best to get it in the morning. Same goes for the blood but this was fun, I must say."  
>"Don't go sticking needles into me just like that! And you did it for the kinks, didn't you?"<br>Mikado busied himself bandaging the puncture mark.  
>"I worry so much about you. I've been reading up material from the Ministry of Education and you fall into what it defines as 'risk youth'."<br>"The only risk is you ending up killing me!"  
>"Masaomi, I trained on how to use my ropes. There is no risk of choking at all. And on that subject, where do you know Orihara-san from?"<br>"Here and there, you know how it is. Everyone ends up knowing Izaya."  
>Shinra piped.<br>"But not everyone pays him a special visit at his apartment."  
>"That wasn't me, I've told you already."<br>"It's true that you know so many people that it figures you'd come into contact with Orihara-san. You adapted to city life very well, I cannot help feeling that you did not miss me half as much as I missed you. You were happily mingling with the people of Tokyo while I was back home, worried sick, and longing for you."  
>[That's almost cute, in a way]<br>"What's cute about it…?"

While this spirited discussion was going on Shizuo and Izaya had reached the aquarium. Shizuo had not developed a sudden interest for aquatic creatures but Izaya had reminded him that a date ended with a delicious night of nonstop sex at the hotel suite Izaya had just booked. And there was no way Shizuo could say no to such a thing, he did not mind putting up with Izaya for a little while. Also, there was no need for anyone else to find about it either which reassured Shizuo considerably.  
>Shizuo had only the vaguest idea of what facebook was so he had no way of knowing that at this point being discreet was basically useless. Izaya stood so close to the glass that his nose was nearly glued to it.<br>"Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan, look at that manta ray! Isn't it great?"  
>"Yeah, I guess."<br>"I wonder what it tastes like!"  
>"You do want to eat the fish here…"<br>"Oh, is that a shark! So big, with a few chops here and there you could make wonderful sushi out of it, I'm sure!"  
>A staff member approached him.<br>"Sir? The animals at the aquarium are not food items."  
>"A man can dream, can't he?"<br>Clearly a man could. Shizuo was getting tired of this but before he could protest a newcomer appeared.  
>"Hey, Izaya. Looks like you finally bagged the Shizuo beast. Good on you, I feel like I'm losing on the love battle now."<br>"If it isn't Aoba! Thought you were still in some hospital."  
>"How does he know about us!"<br>Shizuo's bafflement made Izaya chuckle.  
>"I'm fine, just checking out the sharks. And you can't eat them. I wanted to invite Mikado but for some reason he wasn't too keen on it."<br>Izaya's eyes glittered.  
>"Speaking of that, I just met Mikado."<br>And Izaya told Aoba the gist of it.  
>"No way! I am so out of here, I must see this for myself."<br>"Bye bee! Don't be a stranger now!"  
>Shizuo shuffled as Aoba dashed away.<br>"Are we gonna be here much longer?"  
>"Ah, you want to skip the main dish and go straight to dessert. So typical. But no can do, Shizu-chan. We are a proper couple and that means we spend quality time together apart from fucking like there's no tomorrow."<br>"Don't say it like that!"  
>"But it is the truth. I'm not your fuck buddy but your boyfriend and owner, I mean, and kind significant other."<br>"I heard you say 'owner'."


	24. Chapter 24

"I mean 'owner' in a loving manner."  
>"You're starting to sound like that Mikado kid!"<br>"Hi there, Shiki-san!"  
>Izaya waved enthusiastically and walked past Shizuo to greet Shiki who seemed to be inspecting a tank.<br>"Orihara? Are you visiting the aquarium?"  
>"I should be the one asking you that. Didn't know yakuza were into aquariums."<br>Shizuo did not like seeing Izaya getting all friendly with this white suited fellow.  
>"I'm thinking of investing here. With the new attractions I am sure it will be profitable."<br>"I see, always a busy bee, Shiki-san! You should take a break every now and then. And do like me! I'm here on a date!"  
>Shizuo opened his mouth to protest but instead found himself saying,<br>"That's right, he's my boyfriend so hands off."  
>Shiki lifted an eyebrow while Izaya did a strange dance.<br>"That's a good thing, that way you won't be having to dodge vending machines anymore."  
>"We are a happy couple, Shizu-chan and I! Oh, let's get the penguin hat!"<br>Shizuo had no idea of what Izaya meant but he did feel he had just put his foot in his mouth. Fortunately Izaya dragged him away from Shiki who was left to contemplate the follies of today's youth.

As Aoba arrived Mikado was mid lecture, telling Kida about the many dangers of living in the big city.  
>"Oy! Mikado, it's me!"<br>"Go away, I am having an important discussion with my beloved."  
>Said beloved looked miserable to the extreme.<br>"Eh? Is that so? Guess what, for some reason I cannot lie today! Pretty strange, huh?"  
>Aoba thought it was nothing short of genius to lie about this. It was also poetic justice. Mikado narrowed his eyes.<br>"I have my suspicions as to that. Either way I am not interested in you so go away, you're spoiling my Masaomi quality time."  
>"You mean the yellow loving dude? Funny thing, I saw him leaving Izaya's house just the other day."<br>Aoba proceeded his slander that was, in a twist of irony, not even a lie, neatly ignoring Kida's presence. Kida saw an opening here as Mikado turned his attention to Aoba. Without losing a heartbeat Kida made as if to sprint away and Mikado be damned. He was safe as soon as he reached the station or he could always lose him in one of the many narrow streets that branched out from the main avenue where they were on. Kida was confident that he could outrun most people, Mikado included.  
>Unfortunately for Kida he did not take into consideration the very yellow and equally cumbersome kimono. Before he could as much as take two steps he tripped on the fabric , Mikado caught the movement from the corner of his eye (stalker instincts worked that way) and tried to catch him. But he only managed to catch hold of the obi that unfurled as Kida fell on his face most ungraciously.<br>"I've had it with you, Mikado!"  
>In his fury Kida did not notice the wardrobe malfunction thanks to which he now stood in his underwear in the middle of Ikebukuro. Mikado stared and did not even try to stop the blood streaming from his nose.<br>[Mikado? You're bleeding!]  
>Aoba kicked a pebble and was annoyed.<br>"Hey, that's a low blow! Getting naked to seduce Mikado!"  
>Kida face-palmed.<br>"You two are good for each other. Go get eaten by sharks together!"  
>"Masa-omi- wow...!"<br>[I think Mikado just broke!]  
>Shinra adjusted his glasses in a shrug. Aoba was not about to be outdone and had no qualms stripping down to his boxers.<br>"Tada! Look at me, Mikado! Way cooler, huh? Oy, Mikado! I'm talking to you!"  
>But Mikado was still in a daze of sorts.<br>"Masaomi, our love is so great that we can have sex before marriage...I just changed my mind because you look so hot I really want to do you right now."  
>Aoba pouted.<br>"Hey! What about me! Why isn't anyone looking at me!"  
>In reality there were plenty of people looking at Aoba, or at the group in general, but of course that was not what he wanted. And Celty, after dropping her PDA yet again, even commented,<br>[Are those sharks on his boxers...?]  
>Kida jabbed a finger in the air.<br>"Do not come a step closer, Mikado."  
>"You really are so cute, even when you get all angry. I'd rather you were more submissive but this way is good too. You're just too sexy, I really have to be careful so that no one steals you away."<p> 


	25. Chapter 25

Aoba stomped his foot impatiently.  
>"Oy, the yellow freak there runs a gang, you know."<br>"Don't be ridiculous. If you're going to make up lies, at least make them believable. How can Masaomi be a gang leader when he is so cute, adorable and clueless? He'd never have the brains for that- don't worry Masaomi, I love that part of you too."  
>"Am I supposed to be Masa-<em>Moe<em> or something...? Your idea of me is completely wrong!"  
>Aoba nodded at this.<br>"Yeah, blondie there just pretends to be all nice but the truth is, he's bad to the core."  
>Mikado's eyes narrowed.<br>"You are too insignificant to discuss Masaomi with. Not that I would discuss him with anyone unless it was to gain some sex tips that may turn out handy later, but you are not important enough to even talk to. To put things into perspective in a way that even you can comprehend, if we were in a light novel and it got an anime adaptation, you wouldn't even appear."  
>"Hey! That is harsh and not true. You know it'd be you and me all the way in an anime! Besides, we have a special connection. You stabbed my hand, remember? I can still see the scar if I look carefully."<br>And to Celty's absolute horror Aoba smiled in a way that was actually cute and extended said hand for Mikado's appreciation.  
>[How is that a good thing?]<br>Shinra tapped her on the shoulder.  
>"There are many kinds of love in the world, Celty. None greater than mine, of course!"<br>[How is stabbing someone loving...?]  
>Aoba smugly looked down on Celty which was quite a feat considering he was so much shorter and only wearing shark themed boxers.<br>"Aggression is the best proof of love. Just look at Izaya and Shizuo, I always knew they had a thing going on and they're now at it like lovebirds. That reminds me, I have a long running bet on their becoming a couple. Just landed me a lot of money, Mikado! You can have it, my money is your money."  
>Mikado jumped to the opportunity of correcting such erroneous notions.<br>"Love has nothing to do with hate, it starts as a solid friendship that develops over the years, during this time you get to study your partner and find ways of making sure he had no other choice but turn to you for all his needs ranging from the material to the emotional. It can be hindered if your partner up and leaves without a warning,"  
>"Oh cut the crap, I told you I was moving!"<br>"But that kind of pain only strengths the bond."  
>For a second Aoba seemed to consider this and he grew thoughtful. Which, once again, was an accomplishment when one was mostly in the nude. Kida had already fastened the obi around his waist which made Mikado sad.<br>"Sure, getting stabbed hurt a lot. A lot of pain, I tell you! It totally strengthened the bond. I didn't bandage it right away either, cuz I wanted to see how much it'd bleed. Loads of blood!"  
>And while Aoba's claim to absolute truth was a fabrication, this disturbing revelation was not.<br>[There is something very, very wrong with you! Was this city always this full of weirdos?]  
>Shinra offered his piece of wisdom.<br>"Pretty much."  
>A ringing sound from Aoba's pile of discarded clothes alerted him that his phone was ringing.<br>"Oh, Mikado! They're telling me that I won over a million yen with my bet. Great for me Izaya is putting up a show by prancing about with Shizuo, bet no one would believe it otherwise."  
>Aoba omitted the fact that he had already lost a lot of money on said bet, not enough so as not to have profit but enough to diminish the margin considerably. But that would hardly be cool and Aoba edited truth at will.<br>"I do not want your money. Although I could use some funds to pay for a night at some nice hotel for Masaomi and I. The walls in my apartment are so thin, same goes for his place and the neighbors would hear everything. It'd be troublesome."  
>And just like that Mikado relapsed into being coy and even blushed as if on cue.<br>"Tch, that guy choose _yellow_ of all colors. He's gotta be a coward. Not right for you, Mikado. You'd have fun with me, I guarantee! I'd let you stab my hand any time."  
>[Is that supposed to be romantic? It's messed to the extreme.]<br>Mikado turned to Shinra.  
>"Shinra-san, can I borrow your scalpel please?"<br>Aoba shifted uncomfortably. There was a limit to his masochism.  
>"I meant with your trademark ballpoint pen."<p> 


	26. Chapter 26

"The scalpel works so much better."  
>"Tell you what, Mikado. I am totally the right choice for you. I'll let you top me, no sweat but I can top too-"<br>"That will most definitely not happen."  
>"Oh come on! You don't know you won't like it until you try it."<br>Mikado produced a coil of strong rope and before Aoba could say anything – whether to protest or to rejoice – he found himself firmly bounded.  
>"Mikado, can't we wait until we are somewhere else-"<br>"Don't misunderstand, I am getting rid of you."  
>And indeed Mikado now hooked the rope around a tree branch and pulled it so that Aoba was hanging high above the concrete street, knees tied to wrists behind his back in a rather uncomfortable way. Aoba did not dare squirm away either, partially because he suspected it would only strengthen the knots and partially because he did not want to fall.<br>"Oy, don't just leave me here hanging!"  
>"Spare me your horrible sense of humor, no one likes it and surely do not appreciate it. Not to mention it is a bad influence on Masaomi."<br>Said Masaomi was about to sprint away but today was most definitely not his day. Running in a kimono took a lot of getting used to and Kida was not yet there. As it turned out, it was Mikado who had to help him to his feet, which Mikado did with a very worried expression as he brushed dirt from Kida's kimono.  
>"Masaomi, you must take care of your body. Actually, you can leave me to take care of your body for you. And I may be touching you know but it's mostly to keep you sparkly clean and not so much to touch you. Not that I don't want to touch you, I'd pin you down to the pavement if there were no witnesses. But there's no need to look so scared."<br>"There is plenty of reason!"  
>Celty approached Aoba.<br>[Are you alright up there...?]  
>She used her shadowy stuff to bring the PDA within Aoba's field of vision.<br>"The blood is getting to my head..."  
>Mikado called a taxi driver who owed him one and dragged Kida along with him. Celty would have helped were she not busy rescuing Aoba. Not that Aoba wanted to actually be rescued. By the time he was finally with his feet on the pavement Mikado was nowhere to be seen.<br>"No, there goes my one true love!"  
>[Since when?]<br>"Since always."  
>[I'm beginning to see that you really are mini-Izaya]<br>Aoba sighed.  
>"It's so unfair. This is all that blonde kid's fault. Love triangles suck."<br>[It's not a love triangle...!"]  
>"I must eliminate the third wheel. The blondie is going down!"<br>Celty was not even surprised that Aoba saw fit to display his evil laughter at this point. He had in fact practiced it many a time for effect. It came across as exceedingly psychotic and made people pick up their step.

Around this time Izaya brought Shizuo to a particular tank.  
>"Shizu-chan! Behold! Do you know what it is!"<br>Izaya gesticulated at the crab-like creature beyond the glass.  
>"Nasty critter by the looks of it."<br>"It's a giant isopod!"  
>"Huh?"<br>"In other words, it's a very big water louse!"  
>"Ah..."<br>"Does it look like me?"  
>"Nah..."<br>"There you go! Now that you know that I am not akin to a louse – one would think it was obvious – I expect you to cease and desist and never refer to me in such a defamatory fashion ever again."  
>"Okay, okay, I got it. I won't call you a louse again, or a flea or anything like that."<br>"Now that we've agreed to that we can finally get the penguin hat!"  
>"What penguin hat...will I be getting some sex anytime soon..."<br>"Maybe! If we get the hat."  
>"Don't care for no hat..."<br>"I'll wear the hat and nothing else. How about that?"  
>"Let's go get the hat."<br>"Yay!"  
>But Izaya was in for a bad surprise.<br>"What do you mean you don't have the hat! I want the hat! I demand the hat! I will not leave until I get the hat!"  
>Which meant that Shizuo was not getting any until said hat appeared.<br>"All this over a bloody hat."  
>"I am annoyed, Shizu-chan."<br>"No shit, I noticed."  
>"So make me happy."<br>"Huh?"  
>"I said make me happy."<br>"How the fuck am I supposed to do that!"  
>"You figure it out. That's what boyfriends are for."<br>"...you think?"  
>Izaya sighed.<br>"Men, honestly."  
>"You're a guy too!"<p> 


	27. Chapter 27

"I am also sexy and I know it."  
>Just when Shizuo was about to rip off his hair, an employee approached them.<br>"Sir? This isn't in our inventory and I'm not sure how it got here but-"  
>"Penguin hat, you have found me at last!"<br>Izaya snatched said item and proceeded to twirl around. Shizuo took a few steps so that with luck no one would connect him with the freak dancing with the crazy penguin thingy.

Meanwhile the taxi was speeding away carrying Mikado and a very distraught Kida.  
>"This is kidnapping pure and simple!"<br>"There can be no kidnapping when two people are in love."  
>"...you don't actually listen to me, do you? And where are we going?"<br>"I don't know yet...it depends."  
>"On what, exactly...?"<br>To Kida's horror Mikado inched closer on the seat and twirled his thumbs awkwardly even as he blushed deeply.  
>"On where we go from here... I mean, I'd really like to wait until our wedding night but I'm not sure that's possible..."<br>Kida was already squeezing against the door but he still tried to squirm away even further.  
>"What's that supposed to mean?"<br>"With you being so sexy and wearing that yellow kimono, my mind keeps going places... I don't think I can hold back."  
>"Oh god, is this the 'it's your fault for making me rape you' card? Just keep it in your pants!"<br>"It's not that simple,"  
>"Yes, yes it is!"<br>"I need to show you my love."  
>If the situation was not this creepy Kida would have laughed. One thing was for sure, Kida was cured of his lame pick up lines for good.<br>"You've done that already, trust me on this. I believe in this love of yours so there's really no need to go to such extremes."  
>Mikado frowned. Which could only mean trouble.<br>"It's not 'this love of mine', it's 'this love of ours'. Making love is the greatest expression of love that there is. I also want to do you so bad I can hardly think straight, I've been holding myself back for years."  
>By now it was painfully obvious that talking some sense into Mikado was not only a waste of time but also potentially dangerous.<br>"Eh, but we haven't even had a single date yet! It's pretty cheap to hurry things like this."  
>"But we have known each other all our lives, we are meant to be together and I think I deserve compensation for being abandoned by you."<br>Mikado clinched Kida's seat-belt.  
>"What are you doing?"<br>"Watching out for you, you should always wear your seat-belt even on the backseat."  
>"Oh. Thanks, I guess."<br>"I also like seeing you in any kind of bondage."  
>"I knew it was too good to be true..."<br>"Anyway, Masaomi-"  
>"Hold it right there! You should know that couples that jump into sex right away never end up together in the end! You don't want that, right?"<br>When push came to shove Kida had to resort to playing off Mikado's insanity.  
>"Except we are special. And it's not jumping into it, in my mind we've done it over and over again in all sorts of positions and using all kinds of rope."<br>"That doesn't count and can you please drop the rope talk? Can't you be kinky without being disturbing?"  
>"I can't help it that I have a very domineering personality. The way I like you best is when you're helpless, completely at my mercy and ready to obey my every command- but Masaomi, you seem to have the wrong idea,"<br>"More like I have the right idea and it's so wrong!"  
>"I wouldn't boss you around too much. Just in bed and whenever I see fit. But I'd never force you into doing anything, first I'd break you down – lovingly, of course – so that you can't refuse it."<br>And Mikado actually gave Kida a brilliant smile. A honking sound ruined the moment. Mikado rolled down the window a bit reluctantly but he could see the van gang waving manically at them and knew they would give chase. Erika nearly fell off, for Mikado to open the window he had to basically lie on top of Kida.  
>"Oh what is happening here! Could it be, could it be hot sexing is about to go down? Lucky!"<br>"I don't approve of that way of referring to my undying love."  
>"Did you hear that, he said undying love! Mi-kida in the flesh! Throw in some Aoba-kun and we have ourselves a hot threesome!"<p> 


	28. Chapter 28

Mikado did not at all like this suggestion.  
>"I don't know what strange ideas you have but I will not hear about Aoba, I've had too much of him already as it was."<br>Erika squee-ed.  
>"It's canon, Yumacchi! And what a pretty yellow kimono, Kida-kun."<br>"I picked it for him."  
>"I love a top with a sense of style!"<br>Mikado blushed anew and twiddled his fingers awkwardly.  
>"Thanks... I'm glad that you approve of our relationship. That it would not change my mind in any way what other people think."<br>Erika snapped a bunch of pictures.  
>"That is so beautiful! Most of the boy-on-boy action takes place in private places so I have to crawl into air vents to see it. To think I can check it out like this, it's a dream come true!"<br>Yumasaki chuckled in the background.  
>"But you like doing that."<br>"Sure but it's great to be this close to the hot stuff! Kiss, kiss, kiss!"  
>Kida tried to squirm from beneath Mikado but to no avail.<br>"As much as I appreciate your support we are in a hurry to find a place so that we can have sex,"  
>"Oh my god, don't you tell her that! Erika will tell <em>everyone!<em>!"  
>In his horror Kida forgot that Mikado could not help it.<br>"That is great! You guys, guess what – how does the Sunshine hotel sound? The manager owes us a few favors and it's about time to cash in! I can get you a spiffy suite so you can be all by yourselves to consummate your love!"  
>Erika winked. Her choice of words was the right one to impress Mikado since it entailed a marriage of sorts.<br>"That is indeed wonderful, I'll take you on it. But I am a bit uncertain still, I don't know if we should have should take that step when we're not married but it will take too long to change the constitution and until we are of age."  
>"No need to worry about that, Mikado! All you got to do is exchange private vows! It counts! As long as there is love."<br>Kida managed to finally push Mikado away.  
>"Oy, Erika! Will you give me a break already! Stop giving him ideas!"<br>"A private ceremony solves the problem! Aren't you happy, Masaomi?"  
>"Kida-kun will make a great bride!"<br>"Argh!"  
>Kida was beyond actual words.<br>"Let's all take a ride on our van, we'll get there faster."  
>And thus Kida was towed to the van before he could escape. Sitting between Erika and Mikado made it impossible to even jump out the window. And right now that sounded like a valid option.<br>"We've been wondering, who's your favorite anime character?"  
>"Erika's been going on and on about it. She says it's Lelouch. Or Ligh.t"<br>Mikado laughed, bemused.  
>"Oh, no. I'm not much into anime but my favorite character has got to be Gasai Yuno from Mirai Nikki."<br>The otaku whistled. Kida did try to pry open the window but Erika held him firmly in place.  
>"That's the creepy psychotic yandere! What is wrong with you! Do you keep dead people in your apartment along with the bondage dummy?"<br>"Of course not. I appreciate Yuno's devotion, she is misunderstood. Of course she has her flaws but her heart is in the right place."  
>"'Her flaws'? She's nuts even for a stalker!"<br>Erika bounced up and down.  
>"Who would have guessed!"<br>"I wish I had a Kida Masaomi future diary so that I could always know what you're doing. It would reassure me so much. The closest I can get to that is our exchange diary but it's not the same."  
>"...you. Are. Batshit. Crazy."<br>"That's not very nice of you to say, Masaomi."  
>Erika patted Kida on the back a bit too roughly.<br>"It's all good, feisty bottoms are the best! That way it's even better when they get all teary eyed in bed! Bonus points if they're spread wide open with some ropes thrown in for good measure."  
>"You should date Erika instead!"<br>"It's good that someone understands that binding someone means love. And by the way, if I was in Mirai Nikki I wouldn't want to become God. I'd kill the other ten contestants and then find a way for us two to live happily ever after. If that failed I'd commit suicide after I killed you."  
>"You want to kill me!"<br>"I wouldn't like it but if it came to that we'd have a double suicide."  
>Erika clapped.<br>"How sweet and romantic!"  
>Kida peered over the backseat into the front seat.<br>"Kadota-san, will you do something!"  
>"It's my policy not to interfere with their games."<br>"Dying together is a kind of a happy ending."


	29. Chapter 29

"Dying together is a kind of a happy ending."  
>Erika nodded enthusiastically.<br>"I feel like drawing doujin of this now! Mirai Nikki: Kida-kun is Yuki, Mikado-kun is Yuno!"  
>Yumasaki chimed in.<br>"Add Izaya to it so we can kill him in 2D!"  
>"I can't have that, Izaya exists to be paired with Shizuo. Shizaya is what I live for! And Mi-Kida now!"<br>Mikado grew thoughtful.  
>"You could add Aoba-kun, he does deserve to die."<br>Which of course spurred Erika on to text Aoba with the destination they were headed to. Just for the fun of it.

"What should I do... I suppose I'll have to use Izaya but if he's with Shizuo odds are he would either not pick up his phone or he'd be all 'whee, sexy times'. So annoying that he's the one person who can find anyone in this town."  
>Celty was unsure if this diatribe was addressed to her or if Aoba was simply ranting in pure psycho monologue mode. It might not even matter. She knew that she should simply leave but she was very curious as to what was going on and she suspected Aoba had an idea.<br>[Put on some clothes! Do you know why everyone is suddenly so crazy?]  
>Aoba explained the strange condition in which some people were unable to lie.<br>[So that's what happened!]  
>Aoba sighed and seemed reconciled to actually get dressed when his phone beeped from the midst of his clothes. He read the text and jumped up and down.<br>"Alright! It's on!"  
>Celty could not simply let him walk around Ikebukuro in his boxers and so found herself following him down the street.<br>[Where are you going?]  
>"Sunshine 60, that's where!"<p>

To say that Shizuo had been looking to being alone with Izaya in a snug hotel room was an understatement yet as the tall facade came into view he began to walk slowly and having his doubts. After all, there was something highly embarrassing not to mention compromising about walking into a very crowded hotel lobby and asking for a room together with Izaya, of all people. Shizuo might as well advertise. The fact that the entire city of Ikebukuro was already buzz with the unlikely match up did little to abate Shizuo's misgivings.  
>"How about we just go to your place or something..."<br>"Say what, Shizu-chan?"  
>Shizuo was staring at the pavement and spoke very low.<br>"You know, we could just go to your place... not need to go to a fancy hotel."  
>"Oh really? I don't think you get it. I have my 'dream date with Shizu-chan' all planned out for years now. Years. There is no way I'm letting you mess up with that. Besides, it is way too late for you to be acting all coy."<br>"But it's just, you know... going to a hotel with you is a bit... maybe you can dress up as a girl?"  
>"How about you do that instead."<br>"Wouldn't work..."  
>"I may be a wonderful trap but there is no way I am going to go that route."<br>"I'm no homo..."  
>"Fine. Then you'll miss out on delicious Izaya sex. Your choice, really."<br>"That's not fucking fair, blackmailing me with sex..."  
>"It's all part of dating, Shizu-chan."<br>Shizuo had his serious doubts as to the validity of such a generalization but he was not about to voice them. Instead he kept on staring at the ground most intently and tried to be as inconspicuous as possible. Which was hardly easy considering that he much bigger than most and Izaya had seen fit to put on the bizarre penguin hat in a strange case of fashion statement.  
>To Shizuo's surprise Izaya relented and actually showed a kinder side for once.<br>"We have a reservation under 'Orihara Izako.' For the honeymoon suite."  
>"We only have one under 'Orihara Izaya."<br>Izaya batted his eyelashes most girlishly. The hat most definitely helped.  
>"Oh my, they have written it down wrong."<br>Shizuo quite liked this arrangement. If Izaya used a female name then Shizuo was in the clear. Of course odds are there would be hell to pay later but for the time being Shizuo did not care much.  
>And then all hell broke loose. Suddenly the pen kid arrived with the yellow kimono blonde kid along with Erika and Walker. Shizuo blinked at the weird combination and would have simply ignored them but Kida was not having any of that.<br>"Orihara-san, you bastard! You left me with this, this, this Mikado!"  
>Izaya blinked innocently.<br>"Oh my, 'Mikado' is an insult now. How fickle, youthful friendship-"  
>"Shut up!"<p> 


	30. Chapter 30

Shizuo might not be the smartest person ever but once he realized his priorities he was quick to protect these. He now held Kida in one hand and Mikado in the other, dangling them in the air very much like rag dolls.  
>"You boys better not mess up with my sex life, you hear? I am just about to score so get lost before I get angry."<br>Kida nodded or tried to nod, it was difficult in this position. He wisely opted for silence as Shizuo glared. The same could not be said for Mikado who could not even remain silent if he wanted.  
>"Unhand Masaomi, Heiwajima-san. I will have a long conversation with him afterward, so that he realizes that creating a scene does nothing to improve things. Either way I have decided that today we will consummate our love."<br>Before Kida could protest or Shizuo do anything, they caught a flurry of light blue skipping their way. Izaya chuckled in the background, Erika and Walker both squealed with joy that went beyond words.  
>"Not so fast! Mikado, I've come to rescue you! And in the name of the moon I'll punish Shizuo!"<br>Shizuo was not exactly afraid. Just perplexed. He had seen this outfit before, he was sure, the blue long hair arranged in two tresses, matching tie, the short black skirt trimmed with more blue, weird vest, black gloves/sleeves and stockings both extremely long; but he could not quite place it. All he knew was that it was most definitely weird.  
>"Who the hell are you supposed to be?"<br>Erika interrupted.  
>"Miku, it's Miku! Best Miku cosplayer ever, it goes beyond cosplay! It's the real Miku in the flesh!"<br>Walker fished for his phone and snatched a series of shots of this Miku who happily posed for him.  
>"I like, don't even care you're not even a girl, you're totally Miku!"<br>"And acting like Sailor Moon!"  
>"Oh, punishing in the name of the moon, isn't that kinky?"<br>Aoba smiled prettily despite being ever so smug. For all his enormous ego he was not used to having so much attention. It made Aoba feel all happy inside. Celty popped her head, or what passed for it at any rate, through the doors and peered into the lobby. She tiptoed to Kadota who was just observing as he was wont.  
>[So much craziness!]<br>"That is Aoba-kun, isn't it?"  
>She nodded. What had happened was very simple. Celty had followed naked Aoba into Sunshine city that just so happened to be one of the busiest parts of Ikebukuro. Just when the hotel was in sight she managed to convince him that he could not simply waltz into the lobby in his boxers. Aoba lost no time and jumped into a nearby cosplay store where he purchased this vocaloid outfit.<br>Izaya recognized Aoba right away.  
>"My, my, trying to become a trap, are we?"<br>"What, jealous? All you've got is that freaky penguin hat while I'm all decked out in pure Miku splendor from head to toe."  
>Apparently Aoba's professed love could be ousted from his attention by some borderline insane banter with Izaya.<br>"First of all, hating on the penguin hat is simply not cool, Aoba-kun. And second, I'm the one who is about to waltz to the honeymoon suite with that hunk of a man known as Heiwajima Shizuo. While you're stalking a stalker, oh the irony!"  
>Aoba was not to be defeated by this. He placed his hands on his waist and tried to look down on Izaya.<br>"I know that I'm hot."  
>Shizuo put down Mikado and Kida, Mikado landed gracefully but the cursed kimono once again tripped Kida. Mikado immediately helped him to his feet despite Kida's protests.<br>"I don't know how you found us but you're upsetting Masaomi. I will not accept that."  
>Erika bounced up and down.<br>"It must have been the power the love that guided Aoba-kun! Totally!"  
>Aoba was quick on the uptake.<br>"That's right, how else could I have known? It proves that we're meant to be together! You and me, Mikado!"  
>Izaya rolled his eyes and addressed Erika.<br>"Aren't you guys overlooking something? He may look a lot like Miku but Miku is supposed to be all moe-moe. Aoba is just nasty as ever. Way too off character."  
>To his surprise Walker jumped to Aoba's defense.<br>"That's not true, Aoba-kun is the perfect Miku! He is moe in his own way! Actually, he's making me question my sexuality. 3D can be cool! Who knew!"


	31. Chapter 31

And of course this caused Erika to squee crazily.  
>[Everyone is gay...?]<br>Kadota shrugged.  
>"It wouldn't surprise me."<br>Shizuo turned his back to all this and growled at the rather frightened clerks behind the counter.  
>"Key. Now."<br>"Ye-s, sir. Right away, sir."  
>"Not so fast, Shizu-chan."<br>"What now?"  
>Having nailed Shizuo, as Izaya would put it, he was in no actual hurry to rush to the honeymoon suite. At least not before he shot debris and tried out something even better to show off his hot body and amazing relationship at the same time.<br>"We'll get to it, don't worry. But first I must show Aoba what a true trap is! Besides, don't you want to see me in a wedding gown?"  
>"Wha...!"<br>"Thought so."  
>Shizuo was so caught up imagining that he let Izaya glide away. Meanwhile Walker fluttered around Aoba.<br>"Aoba-kun, will you sing a Miku song!"  
>"Well, I don't actually know any..."<br>Erika had a brilliant idea. She dashed out of the door and returned shortly, out of breath and holding a white, yellow and black outfit that she shook at Mikado and Kida or to be more accurate, Mikida.  
>"Vocaloid showdown time! I got Len Kagamine's clothes! Kida-kun must wear them, what do you say Mikado-kun!"<br>Kida sighed.  
>"Why are you asking him? At least have the decency to ask me!"<br>"It's common courtesy to ask the seme's permission in these cases."  
>Mikado nodded.<br>"That's right, I won't be having anyone plan on dressing you without consulting me. I must be present, too. It is my duty to oversee every aspect of your life and usually I love it a lot if not for the fact that I worry so much-"  
>"Oh shut up."<br>Mikado studied the clothes.  
>"These shorts are far too short for you to ever wear outside. It'll be great for a private striptease session or something of that nature, I can also imagine you naked wearing nothing but the yellow tie and when I think of that- need a hanky."<br>Indeed blood dripped from Mikado's nose.  
>"Just how obvious a pervert are you? You'll land in jail one of these days, you know!"<br>Celty handed him a tissue.  
>"Thank you. That won't happen, Masaomi. I have friends in very high places so even if I did something illegal I would be covered. And for the time being I am protected by juvenile law."<br>Walker dropped to the ground and proceeded to worship the wonder that was Aoba, Miku style. But it was not enough for Aoba.  
>"Yes, yes, I know I'm hot but you can stop that now. Oy, let go of my boots!"<br>Walker was in the process of feeling up Aoba's shoes.  
>[What is he even doing...?]<br>Kadota shrugged anew.  
>"I have no idea."<br>At this point Shizuo woke up from his reverie and was about to hunt down Izaya but it turned out to be unnecessary. For Izaya was slowly making his way to Shizuo, slowly because he dragged a long white skirt on his wake and also because he could not see much through the pale veil. Izaya had of course incorporated the penguin hat into the headgear.  
>"Izaya...? Is that you?"<br>"Izako the Bride is here."  
>Shizuo pointed at him.<br>"That's right, he's a chick – no way he's a guy dressed up as a girl, no."  
>Mikado frowned at the sight.<br>"That is most definitely Orihara Izaya, a guy. Now if I could get Masaomi into a pretty wedding kimono... kimonos are so easy to remove, too and the obi can be used as a rope."  
>"Gee, thanks a bunch, Mikado. I'll never be able to look at kimonos the same way ever again."<br>Which was of course the least of Kida's problems. Aoba was facing some problems as well as Walker saw fit to hug him.  
>"Finally, I can touch Miku! She's all mine!"<br>Erika lost all interest in Aoba, cosplaying or not, as soon as Izaya walked in. Which tended to be Aoba's fate more often than not. She snapped many pictures, going around him to catch Izaya from all angles. Izaya smiled ever so sweetly and acted ever so coy.  
>"It is the most beautiful trap! Kiss, kiss, KISS!"<br>Shizuo did not need much prompting. He tilted Izaya's chin and kissed him full on the lips. After which Shizuo picked him up, a flurry of white fabric swirling in the air as he spun around to glare at everyone.  
>"All of you, back off. Right now."<br>When Shizuo got into this mood people listened. Izaya wrapped his arms around his neck and giggled with joy.


	32. Chapter 32

Erika was a remarkable girl in that she could keep track of the many things that were happening simultaneously. So she could squee at the bridal spectacle of Shizuo carrying a most pleased Izaya to the elevator, to Walker adoring Aoba!Miku and to Mikado's plans for Kida. She now zeroed in on the wonder that was Mikida.

"Oh, Mikado is totally emulating Yuno! Wedding events are totally her thing, she even got a nice picture taken of herself in a pretty dress and Yukiteru all dolled up as the groom!"

Kida sighed.

"You're having fun at my expense, aren't you? All of you. Only Celty-san is on my side."

[I am just confused...]

"A professional photograph immortalizing the moment, I like that idea a lot. And there is nothing like training, we can rehearse our real wedding day."

Erika jumped around in a way that would make Izaya proud.

"So true, rehearsing is important!"

Kida had seen Izaya giving the glare of death quite often, he tried his hand at it now but failed to impress anyone. Erika thought it was too cute for words and an epic fail at a power uke move.

"What on earth do you mean by 'training'? Look, this isn't some shounen manga with a training arc."

But Mikado had just reached a decision and once he did so there was no changing his mind.

"It will take a long time until we can get officially married, which is bad, so I need some thing to help make it pass faster. If I had a picture of us in wedding attire we could look at it whenever I feel sad or down. I composed some images along those lines on the computer but it's hardly the same."

"You did what...? Oh why am I shocked, all things considered."

"I have some computer skills, you know. But this will be the real thing and something I can look at to better envision the future."

"To 'better envision the future'. Unbelievable."

Erika bounced some more.

"A visual Mirai Nikki!"

"Let's go, Masaomi. We're getting our picture taken."

"Why, oh why."

"And you're in luck, Mikado! There's an event going on and you can try on the outfits for free! Both normal dresses and those wedding kimonos you are so fond of! With the obi that can be used for bondage!"

"Do you really have to remind him about bondage?"

Mikado took Kida's hands into his own and stared into his eyes in a rampant case of disrespect for personal space. Such details mattered nothing when love was involved.

"Masaomi, this is a wonderful chance. Before we exchange vows we'll get our very own photograph."

Meanwhile Shizuo and Izaya were on the elevator.

"Shizu-chan, did you know that this one of the fastest elevators in the world?"

Shizuo had no idea and at any rate it was not fast enough for him. He had placed Izaya down and was now devouring him with kisses. Just as he slid a a hand past white stockinged knee and over a hip the elevator came to a halt to let in a group of tourists that filling the space left little room for anyone else. Izaya was pushed against the wall with Shizuo pushed against him.

"Bloody hell, it's like rush hour on the subway."

"Ah, very impatient, I see. Delicious sex will soon be had, worry not!"

The elevator made another stop and let go of its small crowd. It picked up a chatty fellow.

"Honeymoon? So adorable!"

Izaya jumped to the opportunity.

"Isn't it? I've been gunning for him for ages now!"

Shizuo fumed.

"Don't you run your mouth like I'm your token husband or something! It's annoying!"

The elevator stopped and the rather puzzled man left hurriedly wondering what future a newly wed couple could have if they were already fighting so much. Shizuo was preparing to rant angrily some more when the elevators suddenly came to a hilt in between floors.

"What the hell!"

"Calm down, Shizu-chan. See this here button? You press it and in five minutes or so someone will fix the elevator and-"

Shizuo grabbed Izaya's gloved hand before it could reach the button.

"Five minutes? No way. Can't wait that long."

"Shizu-chan...?"

Shizuo loomed very close indeed.

"You heard me."

Izaya blinked in mock surprise as if he could not possibly conceive whatever Shizuo meant.


	33. Chapter 33

Truth was, Izaya was very pleased: plotting went a long way but at times like these fate threw in bonuses in the form of opportunities of elevator sex. The sheer randomness of it all added to the kink factor.

Shizuo tried to reach lacy panties under the many layers of lace.

"What's up with all these skirts!

"It's a wedding dress, it must be frilly."

"Tch, can't get to the goods."

Izaya giggled and leaned back, displaying the impressive amount of delicate fabric.

"Now, now, knowing you I know you're revving to tear my delicious dress to tatters. No can do, Shizu-chan."

Shizuo was ready to protest very loudly but Izaya was merrily undoing Shizuo's fly and daintily tossing out pretty white panties.

"Woah, you really wear those!"

"Of course. As do all beautiful brides."

Izaya laced his hands behind Shizuo's head and guided his hands to the elusive and now very naked ass. Shizuo squeezed.

"Don't know about brides but you're hot, yeah."

"Now, Shizu-chan. However will we do this."

Izaya sounded only mildly interested but he gasped slightly as Shizuo squeezed a bit harder.

"The dress has got to go."

"Not so fast."

Izaya might be considerably fey and much more so when compared to such a massive man as Shizuo but he still managed to now pin him against a wall simply by pushing him with a finger. Izaya did not need to at all resort to physical strength, there were times that all it took was a sultry smile to get exactly what he needed out of his very hunky reluctant boyfriend.

Izaya now placed a hand on a hip and swerved his body ever so slightly to highlight his curves.

Shizuo whistled appreciatively.

"You wanna be on top?"

Izaya added some grinding motion by rocking against Shizuo ever so slightly. Izaya nibbled on Shizuo's ear.

"I may wear the skirt but we all know who is calling the shots here. Neh? Shi-zu-chan?"

Izaya was of course not only wearing one skirt but an array of them. Without further ado he did some prep and in one graceful move lifted said skirts and straddled Shizuo.

"You're a pest and that's a fact,"

Izaya put an end to perfunctory protestations with one of his expert deep kisses. The pretty white fabric fluttered as Izaya rode Shizuo's hard dick. Shizuo was impressed, how anyone could manage such an insane amount of frilly skirts was beyond him. As Izaya let hard flesh slide in and out in a rhythm the pretty skirts shifted, his erection suddenly visible through ruffling tulle.

"Just like newlyweds, aren't we?"

"Just horny,"

Izaya stopped just as Shizuo thrust upwards into tight warmth.

"That won't do. Tsk, tsk. You should know better than this. We're a loving couple and I fully expect you to 'make love' to me."

It was the kind of line to be expected from an actual wife, which baffled Shizuo despite the fact that by now he should indeed have known better, made chilly by the cruel glint to Izaya's eyes.

"Right, newlyweds. Just like that."

"Hmm...I have a feeling you're just saying that I'll keep moving. It was so much easier when you had to tell the truth."

Shizuo made a fist around Izaya's slightly slippery penis and squeezed slightly.

"Yeah, yeah. Be a nice wife and keep going."

"Hey, you'll ruin the dress!"

Shizuo placed his hands firmly around Izaya's corseted waist.

"Like I care."

"Hmph, if that's how you're going to play it."

Izaya picked up speed, rocking into Shizuo fist even as he kept the up and down motion that filled him to the brink. This was the perfect time for Shizuo to make some snappy comeback but as it so often happened lust clouded his mind. Izaya tossed his head back, eyes half closed, Shizuo fastened a greedy kiss on his neck. The penguin headgear tilted precariously but somehow did not fall.

Shizuo grunted something or other as he came deep into Izaya who followed almost right away, making a mess out of the many skirts. Izaya slid off and sighed.

"Ah, messy, messy."

The discarded panties were put to good use. Izaya wiped himself clean, arranged the dress and centered the marvelous penguin hat. And just like that he was ever so composed again and the blush to his cheeks could be mistaken for that of of a coy bride.


	34. Chapter 34

The elevator finally began moving again and reached their floor. Izaya sailed down the plush corridor holding on to Shizuo's arm and smiling beautifully. Izaya unlocked the suite but stopped at the threshold.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

Shizuo blinked.

"Like what?"

"Like carrying me to bed, obviously. Why must I tell you everything?"

"Bloody annoying."

With that said Shizuo picked him up and strode into the very spacious and luxurious room. He deposited Izaya in the kingsize bed and stared in awe at massive mirrors, sleek furniture and endless windows. Izaya took a turn for the lazy and rolled around, his skirts swirling about. He turned on the television and right away Aoba appeared on screen, complete with his Miku outfit.

"Oh my, Aoba is a hit now! A shame he's such a loser."

Aoba sneezed but hid it beautifully. Someone was probably badmouthing him and he blamed Kida Masaomi entirely even though he knew full well that Izaya was much more malicious.

All and all, the day was a disaster. He had been dragged to a Miku cosplay contest and much fawning followed as so many otaku shot pictures of him and made themselves obnoxious by default. With so many cosplayers portraying the same character he expected to blend in and then slip away unnoticed but no such luck.

Walker had made a big fuss and right away Aoba found himself standing on stage with a bunch of Miku wannabes. It was quite a surreal feeling, as if he was surrounded by clones all sporting the same unlikely hair and highly unpractical clothes. And Izaya had a point, Aoba was indeed a hit. All the attention made him doubly nervous so much so that he felt his legs almost giving way under him and the tremendous footwear clearly did not help.

He cursed himself. On top of everything Mikado was holed up with Kida and the very thought depressed Aoba even further. He had to find a way out of this predicament. Aoba formulated a plan: he was going to act ever so moe and if asked to sing play a silly!incompetent!me card. He was confident that he could improvise a dance routine on the spot. Aoba decided to kyu-kyun his way out of this.

When his turn came he had a moment of panic. Imagine these rabid loonies were to find out Aoba's true identity and gender. Fortunately Aoba trusted his trap skills to carry him through. No one could possibly guess he was male and if Walker had not disclosed this far he was unlikely to disclose it at all.

So Aoba stepped forward into the spotlight and gave them all his best, brightest smile. He opened his mouth to utter silly platitudes of the sugary kind and said,

"You people are rather pathetic, you know? You have no social skill at all, have let yourselves go to the point of slovenliness, you have no life to speak of all because you crush on a fictional character. I mean, come on- what am I saying! Oh no! No! It's happened to me!"

Indeed it had. Somehow, for reasons Aoba could not even begin to conceive, he was suddenly unable to lie. And equally unable to shuffle away as he should.

"I don't want to say any of this but you guys really are the worst. What an embarrassment to yourselves and the world! Do you actually live in basement? I can very well believe it. And will you get a job already! Living at your parents' expense, don't you have any sense of shame? Personal pride? Anything at all? It's just gross. And 'pig 3D is disgusting'? More like, 'I couldn't score with actual girls to save my life'.

Honestly, the only good thing about you is that you'll never get laid and so won't impart your genes to the new generation. Less fuckups that way, I'm sure, for all we know your issues are hereditary."

Aoba felt more than a bit queasy. He could tell all too well that the audience was beginning to react and imagined that any moment they would lynch him. And still he could not help himself and rattled on.

"And you're clueless, too. 'Miku, Miku, Miku'? Guess what, I'm actually a guy. That's right! You'll probably go mob crazy on me now and I wish I could shut up but there it goes, it's the truth. I'm as male as it gets!"

At the hotel Izaya bounced and burst into a fit of giggles.

"The irony, oh the irony! Aoba-kun, it was great knowing you. We will never forget you, never!"


End file.
